Hip Hop Forum

im on my grind,im on my shit,twenty g's at chucky cheese thats a fuckin lick
extra clips like mexicans,bitch i smoke that purple,my bitch get wetter than dat nigga squirtle
these rap dudes be wearing some tight ass pants.... Steve Urkel
ill hurt you then rage like a mad-cow,have you feeling weak and i aint the class-clown
el guapo be slammin' hot hoes,NO SMACK-DOWN!lyrically,the darkest in the bunch like the black crayon
dope as coke, i spit that flow,i go hard name any disney star bet i done hit that hoe
run your fucking mouth and your crossed out like tic-tac-toe
the osiris of free-stylin,your babymomma was cryin cuz i wouldnt go that low
couldnt give me a thousand to let her blow my toe,shit aint been this sick since i sold my soul
to the strip-club,Not Mr.T but im fucking pissed-bruh,
your lady offered me a cheeseburger but i ended up gettin mah dick sucked
shes a crack head faggit and she still keep comin back like criss angels whack ass magic
its tragic, disastrous,fuck chris brown i got shit down i'll smack ya bitch
while my stacks of crack n thrax attacks the strip,I get ya main-hun treat her like a flameblunt n pass it quick
i fucked hella fools heads up,thats why they nicknamed me 'acid-trip'
im what the game need,came to change ya brain like that cocaine weed
tame me?thats sumthin im not believing in,rapgames behemoth,u fags just bohemian

I read this about three times. I have to admit, I like the majority of the concepts that you used for these 'punches'. You also seemed to be working on your multi rhyme scheme, which turned out very well thru most of this piece. Also I like how you tied in some wordplay. Now, some of your punchlines didn't connect too well, mostly because of how the line was worded. In a punchline, you typically want the joke part of the bar at the very end of the second line. This helps provide more of a "WOW" factor when someone reads it. Also, while most of your concepts were good, you had a few in there that were simply lame, such as the Steve Urkel reference and the fact u even brought up Squirtle in a piece that had nothing to do with Pokemon lol. Over all though, this stuff is the best I've seen from you so far. Keep dropping and elevating.


Oh and can you please feed my piece Chapter Four whenever you might have time? It's appreciated. One.

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thanks bro,any advice is greatly appreicated,im just tryna get my punches,multies and everything sounding right,ill check out your piece though

LOL @ Mr. T! Gotta little work to do Guap. I mean spittin' and writin' ain't quite the same. Two things to remember, we're lookin' at words not hearing them. So what sounds cool ridin' airwaves, may look ignorant on paper (i.e. Squirtle/Urkel, etc).

Write with passion. Write with purpose. Keep elevatin'.

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/law-o ... 19351.html

uppin

this was pretty cute some of ur ideas were nice...others were used but at the same time you brought a sick view to things...sick as in what the hell is this guy tryna say...but also...sick as in damn if you took this replaced this erased that...then u may have something...the advice given above is thoroughly focused on ur elevation...but at the same time helping u focus more...if u can find one of my random keys it may help u remember the key to elevation is to view every piece on the board and then having the ability to execute that move correctly to your advantage...keep writing

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

thanks for the advice, real-talk next time i drop a piece
im gonna focus way harder and try to go with a topic and such,
like the topic says its just a key style i was bored and blowed as fuck

for a keystyle i dig this. def need work on multies but you got it in you bro. id definatley read your stuff again. keep it up. much love