Hip Hop Forum

This is the beat that this goes to (the first verse starts at 00:24):
http://www.shadowville.com/?s=marching+on

I'm unstoppable....I'm colossal.
It'd be impossible for me to fall or topple, Rap's Apostle
A mythological horseman, A beacon of war like I'm Apollo
the only remnants of competition will be their fossils
Behold, the execution of lyrical evolution
a student fluent in music with a no-fear resolution (I'm Provin)
that there is no one better than me
no one on my space-shuttle level, I orbit earthly emcees
a celestial force with the illest syllable sword
kill ordinary foes with supervillain Venom-ous scorn
I'll wield my flow like a blade, that'll sever your veins
while my metaphors attack your ears, my lyrics dagger your brain
I'm skilled in every domain, our range differential?
I mean, you're average, half a fraction of my talent exponential
the best you've got is potential, so don't cause any friction
just admit, don't plead the fifth, there's no one nicer with spittin

(verse 2)
There has never been an obstacle I could not overcome
21 years of hurdles and I leaped over Everyone
I'ma lyrical arsonist setting fires with my tongue
hotter than a volcano on the equator of the sun
None better, more clever, there's no comparing this guy
yes I'm "alarmingly gifted"...ain't that a "scary surprise"
sharpened my skills on curved knives, intellectual mind
and when I rap the PH Level's like negative nine
I spit acidic rhymes, from the first kick til the snare swells
I'm not just "tackling" topics, I'm "tearing ACL's"
Instrumentals get railed when my train of thought starts it engine
I'm part Indian, I'll scalp tracks then eat the beat's tendon
Killin with ill spit, slick scrawled heiroglyphics
I'll criss cross Chris Paul without a ball, I'm ballistic
Quick Draw the Prolific, painting ageless ancient phrases
from pages on stages, just to be specific

You had some nice lines in there, but overall I thought it was a little too simplistic. This format is done over and over again, so often I'm looking for something more original, but that's just me.

I liked this line "I'm not just "tackling" topics, I'm "tearing ACL's" - ha good one.

I'm unstoppable....I'm colossal.
It'd be impossible for me to fall or topple, Rap's Apostle
A mythological horseman, A beacon of war like I'm Apollo
the only remnants of competition will be their fossils
Behold, the execution of lyrical evolution
a student fluent in music with a no-fear resolution (I'm Provin)



Instrumentals get railed when my train of thought starts it engine
I'm part Indian, I'll scalp tracks then eat the beat's tendon
Killin with ill spit, slick scrawled heiroglyphics
I'll criss cross Chris Paul without a ball, I'm ballistic
Quick Draw the Prolific, painting ageless ancient phrases
from pages on stages, just to be specific



Stand out parts in both verses.
Cool Read, Stitched together flow.

'Keep it Up

Preciate the feed back. Uppin.

This was ok for a text piece, nothing special. But....when I spit it out loud, the flow was nasty and the wording seems more tuned towards being on an audio track.

None better, more clever, there's no comparing this guy
yes I'm "alarmingly gifted"...ain't that a "scary surprise"
sharpened my skills on curved knives, intellectual mind
and when I rap the PH Level's like negative nine
^^^The flow on this section in particular was the most consistent out of all other parts of the song.

Overall, you can be a little sharper on your wordplay and multis but this was good overall, keep droppin man.

Good stuff.

I'ma lyrical arsonist setting fires with my tongue
hotter than a volcano on the equator of the sun
None better, more clever, there's no comparing this guy
yes I'm "alarmingly gifted"...ain't that a "scary surprise"

^Favourite bars easily.

The beat was awesome with the guitar in there haha. I like these kinda drops, that's why I listen to Rakim and I'm guessing u do too. Yeah text-wise there were a lot of simple parts but if ur recording this I think the final product would be nice. I followed the flow easily and ur use of smooth inners would make it real entertaining. Keep dropping man.