Hip Hop Forum

At nite wen im sleepin, im creepin, wit
Reasons,
To believe im alone in a world thats misleadin,
My conscious is weepin and keepin a treason,
that im guilty for leavin and never exceeding,
Believin im weak and i cant persever,
Im strandin on a boat wit nothin to steer,
To my destiny got the best of me fightin the fear,
as everyday passes i hear that the end is so near,
Ritin makes my day but recordin makes my HOLE WEAK no QUEER,
the aroma of tragedy has actually got to me,
So practically ima lier so wat i say is considered blasphemy,
Practically im naturally a born king named ur majesty,
Dressed in silk richness while ur lookin raggedy rapidly,
No matter wats happenin im still standin in victory,
While ur slippin in misery dyin and never makin history,
im the president and u never had a chance like hillary.. 

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I didn't think this stood up to the quality of your other drops at all. In the beginning it felt you were just throwing in some words for the multies and not for the content. Flow was alright but could've been tighter. The punchlines were weak as well. And this didn't really feel like a punchline type piece to begin with. The whole feel of this seemed to switch about halfway through. Seems like this was just a rushed piece all together. Maybe you just felt like writing something real quick and keyed this which is cool. I'd rather read something you took your time with, though. I remember your other drops and I know you can do better than this.

If you get a chance return the feed:
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/let-d ... ml#p155571

I agree with Kau alot on this one man. In my opinion, maybe you should try to write about one specific topic and try to improve yourself from there. Here, it just seems like you are throwing words together. If you are working on your flow, thats definitely getting better, along with your structure, but your content is going to need work fam. One.

I say FOCUS on a message, keep writting it in the rhyme scheme you are using... clean it up a bit tho... you just kinda jump around in this, I think you should do some topicals ssssssssssssson. Either way it was worth the read! Keep writting man

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You got potential. You got flow. Now if you put some thought into your writing and give it a subject you'll make something happen. Right now, it's random thoughts without interest.

-can i catch herpes of the mouth if I shave with the same razor my wife used for her legs?-

Thanks guys and yea this was just a really quick written i did and i do agree i didnt do much of a topic rather just threw in lines and ish..but good looks and stay up...and i could deff do betta

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Like the laws in the south, it could use some work.