Hip Hop Forum

Wicked elicitor spittin flames that flicker within brains/
Aimin to assassinate asinine amateurs within range/
I’m called an octopus scribblin so many rhymes within frames/ of time that eternity aint long enough to read one written page/
The pen been similar to venom since the pendulum’s beginning/
First I Branded Conscious, now I Assault Diction/
Competitors came talking, then turned into chalk stencils/
Now cats are so desperate for skill they search for my lost pencils/
The rechargeable speech author who speak audio heat outta true leaked audible that reached farther to deplete particles/ Of weak artists who seem comical, seek honest fools to preach awesome news and teach profit routes while we as truth fiends need caution you/
About the mystic methods the media’s lists are text wit/
Material, power and other remedial investments/
Many mediocre messengers, very rarely impressive,/
Beseech fame from fan bases, but never really respected/
Wit the pencil in hand, underground mechanics rip the sickness/
Wit lyrics spinnin victims that’d leave jet turbines winded/
Endin the radio friendly approach usin these lingual twisters, scriptin words in mentals so fast you get cerebral blisters/
Creatin cold meaning via lead lettering, cuz after tracks, I have terms flippin in my mind head like a telekinetic acrobat,/ Transmitting vocabulary from areas I haven’t rattled at/ Pass the eleventh percentile I see where the mind’s expanding at/
Dangerous damager, dismantling dagger stems causing offensive sentences to dwindle down into acronyms/
Minimizing disgraced swine intertwining,/
On some shit that gets my vein’s venom rising/
Using poetry to vocally fill in the gaps/
Now quick developin rhymin has me reeled into rap/
Those bearin the burden of pride, still in the trap/
Will finally realize why I’m ill for a fact/

I liked this.

I think your creativity and vocabulary really mixed well for the most part without sounding like babble. Some of it was pretty sloppy, the wording and flow could've been altered for smoother lines, but all in all it was an enjoyable read and the topic stayed fresh till the end. Keeeeep at it.

Alright, overall this ain't too bad. It's unique, which I appreciate. My favorite line is "Now cats are so desperate for skill they search for my lost pencils/". Nice idea there. However, there is a lot of filler in this piece, shit that just doesn't need to be there, lines like "Minimizing disgraced swine intertwining" and others are unnecessary. You got a unique style and at times have a real cool flow, and u often (not always) use ur vocabulary well. But all in all I'm glad I read this. Keep writtin'...

Gd shit i thought. well written.
The rechargeable speech author who speak audio heat outta true leaked audible that reached farther to deplete particles/ Of weak artists who seem comical, seek honest fools to preach awesome news and teach profit routes while we as truth fiends need caution you/
i like.
peace

Appreciate the comments and feedback

I just try to experiment with wordplay alot and do my best to be sorta unique, hence some of the awkward bars and wordage

Thanks for readin, I'm not on here a whole lot but Ill be checkin yall posts out

This was cool... When the lines got long it kinda took away from the flow for me though. Also, you had alot of lines with good concepts then you had lines that werent really saying anything and just seemed to take up space. You should try and stray away from having that in your verses. Keep at it though man.

If you could feed this drop when you have time, it would be appreciated.

http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/colle ... 18949.html

This shit was straight, the vocab was on point, some shit was a lil' too vague to even make sense to me, as well as the structure being a lil off in certain areas, but you flexed nicely with the flow and vocab, stay upgrading the vocab and polishin' the flaws, nice shit though.

This was pretty smooth man...some of the lines kinda threw me off
but it was really a interesting read, so I really can't hate on it
really did your thing though...keep writing...

thx for the feed back

This was never really meant to have a direct concept, it was a mixture of lyrics I had and never really picked what bars I wanted to certain songs.

thx for the feedback