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Dia De La Muerte

Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 3:21 pm
by TJ Blaque Aka TL
The shrines all ancient it's amazing im anxious,
anticipations in a loaf ,hymlic gasping contagious,
In the graves for ages, corpse and titles of plots that idols the dead,
Decomposing stages of course lies a man with a rifle instead,
Civil war combatant, tip of a barrel hidden in wormeries,
next to his decapitated head and steel plated armory!!,
in spirit its revenge his mission was never finished,
to be replinished in its wishes ,
a love and a heart ache undying love for his mistress,
Next door the roses hanging from it's henges, her soul rest in pieces,
Beware of the ides from the demented thats hidden beneath it.

Happy Holloween !!!

Re: Dia De La Muerte

Posted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 11:07 pm
by Kau the Lion
Aside from misusing the word ides this wasn't bad. Good flow and some nice multies. A nice drop for Halloween.

Re: Dia De La Muerte

Posted: Mon Nov 01, 2010 5:37 am
by TJ Blaque Aka TL
True ...but i threw in the IDES like that Date was a warning . Not really directed towards the the actual HOLLOWEEN DATE. But something as similar . I guess a lot of kats cant think outside the box. Thinks for the feed though . Happy Holloween.

Re: Dia De La Muerte

Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 3:09 am
by FlipSide
i think this a alright given it a short piece and i feel u couldve put a lot more stuff in there. Give it a beggining middle and end u dig?... other than that the flow was solid good vocab...1

Re: Dia De La Muerte

Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2010 1:28 pm
by TJ Blaque Aka TL
Thanx my dude. I appreciate the feed on this.