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"The greatest woman that never existed..."

Posted: Fri Sep 30, 2005 2:36 am
by Adept
You know when you just like daze off into a daydream?
but its like an altered reality so close to being real,
you actually think its real when you wake up...

A moment of time just on the court spitting
gloating with rhymes and of course a chicken
was roaming to find the man of her dreams
all alone in her mind planning some schemes
moving closer it seams but its hopeless believe
they ain't admiring your character and company
hunny what we really wannabe confronting see
is will you fuck for free just then she looked at me
had me shook to see her over there pissed looking
so i just finished up went over right quick
ask what was the problem oh well she said
"There is none cause i'm here to solve them"
not knowing what she meant i pondered
she said "You don't have the sense just stop it
I know what your thinking, you're lost off in
the topic i brought when i looked awkward
at you so you'd offer your ear for a bit"
she said "I'm here on a trip not near it exists
but my homeland is devoid of no-mads, there's
no poison known that can bring sadness to us
no savages to frustrate just happiness and love"
still pondering yet on i was lead to her tail
"What you thought about me was typical
see it was cynical but i won't ridicule
that was just lack of naiveness thats in you"
"But, not all males are bad they're just frail in fact,
never to know the true definition of beauty
just drones accepting repetitions of cute see"
"But beauty transcends through time" yet advised
"You're the only one that can see me"
"My beauty is what the future women can expect to hide,
with make-up and other inventions in time"
I didn't believe for a second the line
but realized I was looking a direction
different from the rest of guys"
realizing I was impressed
she went on to further explain herself
"Beware there is no worth in wealth,
it's just a way to farther hurt yourself"
""What you mean?""
"The higher you jump the farther you fall
but if you stay rested you ain't harmed then at all"
""Oh i see""
as i observed her in awe i noticed she was immaculate
cinnamon skinned fit mistriss of divine wizdom
she went on
"I know what your minds thinking... and slipped off in
a backwards walk "Follow me" and in a split second
the background dissolved and went into a wedding scene
"You don't think your ready see but let it be,
you're futures with me i'll take care of everything"
"No bills or stresses no pills or cess and
never feel depressed and do whatever your will selects its
a form of heaven in your own perception"
so i went on with the procession unstressed an
heartfelt i said at the end of the vowels "I owe you"
shes just smiled and said listen...
"I'm the greatest woman that never existed..."

::heart rate monitor beeps steadily::
"Where Am I"
""You're In the Hospital Son""
"What happened"
""You've just came out of a coma""
"For how long"
""Just a tad over 1200 years""
"Are you serious"
""I wouldn't lie about something like this son, i'm a professional,
you went unconscious all the sudden on a basketball court and you were
rushed into the old medical center on 5th street those 12 centuries ago
and didn't respond in any aspect but you're parents decided to keep
you living because you kept a smile on your face the whole time
and nobody knew how or when you formed the smile""
"Oh... thats really strange"
"Ayo, before you leave would you happen to know what this shiney gold thing on my finger is?"
""Why that looks like a wedding band sir""

Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 11:17 am
by KingJustin
i felt like u kept going back and forward and the topic wasn't really stuck too...but i see potential....next not so long...i like the rhyme scheme...and the end was kind unnessacery

Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 11:40 am
by Adept
the beginning & end tie together, and the whole story's topic was basically layed out in the intro but i can understand some people not getting it

upping for more feedback

Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 1:39 pm
by Viral
yea that's tight.. the whole storyline.. nice shyt