Hip Hop Forum

First Verse - Illaborate (First cop on the scene)

Like whiplash, received the call from dispatch/
Spilled my coffee on my lap, FUCK! Grab the cup and ditch that//
Put my cruiser in drive, hit the sirens and gas/
The night is pitch black, violence hides like silhouettes as I zip past//
On my path, I saw a fist match, had to forget that/
crime scene is locked on my map, its a place I gotta get fast//
Navigation took me right to the spot, I turned the car off/
Got out and my heart nearly stopped... my god//
The victim in front of me was spillin blood on the sidewalk/
This type of shit weighs heavy on my heart//
I found the room that made the call and found a buncha people dead/
It was just then, I decided to make a call to my friend//

Something strange is going on I think you should head on down and take a look.

Second Verse - Orfadox (Forensic Examiner)

Still Cant Beleive What Im Witnessing Right Here,Seems To Me That Im Probably Trapped Ina Nightmare
So I Close My Eyes,Open But This Shits Still Right There,Try To Divert My Eyes But I Cant Help But Stare
Mind Racing,Pacing Over The Same Spots,Theres Gotta Be Something Im Missing,I Just Dont Know What
Trying To Find Some Little Clue,Anything He Might Have Dropped,Retracing Each Step Until Finally I Stop
Lean Closer To Inspect,Each Of These Bodys Have Been Branded,Intrigued Cant Move From Where Im Standing
They Were Also Dropped And This Is Where They Landed,Necks Broken,Looks More Like They Slanting
Throats Slashed,Every Wall Has Been Splashed With Blood,Looks Like A Massacre I Knew It Would
When I Got The Call "Something Strange Is Going On I Think You Should Head On Down And Take A Look"
Got Here And Bodys Laying Everywhere,Faces Of Pure Terror Could Tell By Looking They Were Scared
So I Comb Over Everything Thing But Nothing Is There,No Clues Not Even One Single Fucking Hair
My Minds Dazed,Feeling Utterly Confused,Who Did This? Damn Man I Wish I Could Find Out
But Other Than The Imprint On There Chest,And Unless We Guess,We'll Never Know What Happend After Lights Out

Third verse - Murk McNasty (Witness)

It instantly started flarin up, people runnin around crazy, mass hysteria/
Shouting and crying while people were flyin down the halls, some just scared to budge/
I couldnt move, only watch, shock had hit me like an electrical storm/
This savage fuck wanted only blood, and now it seems he was beggin for more/
I was sittin on my ass in class, fuckin with Illestlyrics.com on the phone/
When one of our students' souls unpredictably got robbed from its home/
He started moving distorted, shaking like the bone a pit grips in its teeth/
At that point, the point our teacher was trying to point out about division was weak/
Kids jumped up and screamed, he grabbed a girl first and ripped her throat out/
I didnt know what had come over him, but shit, I know now/
Like movies had come true, and the stories my father told as a pastor/
A demon had possesed that boy, then began turning the class into disaster/

Fourth verse - Kau the Lion (The kid being possessed)

When it comes to plain I take the cake. My name is Joe Smith.
I never dress outlandishly, not the type of face you’d notice.
I'm not too stupid, not too smart, of average weight and fitness.
And just like any kid my age, school's the bane of my existence.
I’m sitting bored in math class, tasked with problems and equations.
Thinking I would sell my soul for responsive relocation.
They say be careful what you wish, lest you regret your decision.
A lesson I would learn first hand while shirking long division.
I could feel the heat inside me rising as my hands started to tremble.
Reaching for the throat a classmate is the last part I remember.
Now the only feeling left was the void of being heartless.
The screams of all my peers following me into the darkness...

Fifth verse- Intrinsic Cadence (The demon)

“Blood must flood!” I scream from the top of my lungs, speakin' tongues, as I lunge for her throat
I have come for their souls, cuz I lust to know Satan, so I must emaciate their faces and let the blood flow.
I slash so her gash gushes just enough to render her placid, then with rapid action I attack the rest of the class,
I act fast so they can't run from the wrath of this massacre, I'm unleashed like a three-headed beast of Lucifer.
Then I grasp their skulls and rip the scalps from them all, and brandish a 666 on the brains now exposed,
I've affixed three sixes cuz this is a prerequisite of the ritual, then I listen close to hear the Devil's wish disclosed.
He revels in the gift he beholds, and with an evil grin picks up the scalps juxtaposed to the pile of corpse kids,
his voice blends with the shrill shrieks of a thousand generations as he says, “You have done well, my hell's kin.”
I kneel to him, with his pitchfork he knights me for my sins, and invites me to descend to the haven where he lives,
I savor in this favor that he gives, so I exit from the body I'm within, and follow his lead into the infernal fire pits.
Joe Smith awakens, clothes all stained crimson, and with a vacant stare he sees his dream wasn't a fiction.
He'd been forsaken, he wished he was a victim not the catalyst of a viciousness more ancient than the earth's rotation.

With a burst of fear he lurches towards the door to run from here, but he slips and slams his head on the calendar on the wall
October 31st is the last thing he sees before he falls.............................

Ooh nice collabo here, and the perfect time for it haha.

I loved how the story unfolded because I was really curious at the start, and it built up until the climax. I'll list some strengths and weaknesses that stood out to me first:

Illaborate - I could imagine everything you were saying, the cop spilling his coffee and rushing to the scene. It's like something you'd see in a movie lol. Only weakness I noticed, is that the journey itself was over kinda fast. At the same time though, this drop isn't about the journey lol. Good verse.

Orfadox - My favorite thing about your verse was how the character kept thinking to himself like 'Damn..' almost like I was reading his diary or something lol. Good blend of inner thoughts and what he was seeing. The flow confused me at parts, and I think more imagery/similes would have given it more flavor, but it wasn't a bad verse at all.

Murk McNasty - This also had a horror movie feel to it. Something like Scream where the whole school's in terror, I could visualize the kids running through the halls while the victim was trying to hurt them.

Kau The Lion - This had that journal feel to it too, and I liked how you introduced him to us, gave him some character. Your flow and rhymestyle are really straightforward but very smooth and easy to keep with. I especially liked the line where you mentioned selling your soul, it fit brilliantly.

Intrinsic Cadence - You're skilled at using non-basic adjectives to paint a picture, and generally describing things with a different perspective than you'd expect. I like how you revealed the demon's motives and to be honest I didn't expect it to take this turn, which is good. Only problems I encountered was keeping up with your flow, but I don't know how you intended it to be read.

Overall nice drop guys, one of the best and original I've seen here. Keep it up

Thank you very much for the feed. Its appreciated by all involved. We wanted to do something fresh and relevant to Halloween, and believe it or not, it took practically the whole month to get this together. That only makes your feed more appreciated. Thanks.

Appreciate The Feed Diva...Thanks For Taking The Time To Read Through

Yea Man I Shall Say Thias Was Of Interest. The Only Thing Is That The True Gore Was Not until The End And A Few People Acted Just A Facilitators To The Story. So i Would Haver to Say intrinsuic Had The Most Interesting verse Of Them All And Backwards Back Up the List. Never The Less It Shows That You Guys Are Not Self Ish About It. Dope Drop.. Nice Topic.. Couldve Gotten Gorier And Nastier With it. 1

Thanks for the feed, guys. The idea was that as the verses went on you got a little closer to what had happened. So, that's probably why you felt that way, Flip. Thanks for taking the time to read!

^^^ for replies

If any of ya'll reply on this and leave a link on something of yours your hoping to get some feedback on, its likely your gonna get some feedback from all five CI people. We've only got two pieces of feedback thus far and would appreciate some more. A lot of time and effort went into this creation. Realize its a long read, but any feedback would be truly appreciated...

shit it was straight like the wordplay and concept on it^.....im not really got at readin otha ppls bars though i mainly do audio shit not so much of the textin but from what i was readin it was nice. props

Thanks For The Feed Man...

I liked the originality of this! Reminds me of EPMD's The Symphony 2000 w/h Red/Meth/and Lady Luck.
Each charater was intriguing (some more than others).

The intro with the cop was a great to bring us into the story. The possesed kid was a good added bonus to.

I love horror movies. this was right up my alley. excellent collabo.

Should get a most creative collaboration award.

i like the collab here.........it get you antipated to see whats happenin next......good shit

got the greatest i need checked out if you get a min

www.myspace.com/slickaman1
its the top song

Thanks alot for the feed. Its much appreciated.

-- Sun Nov 14, 2010 3:30 pm --

aLb wrote: Should get a most creative collaboration award.

Thats whats up. Thats exactly what we are striving for.

You've already gotten props on the creativeness so I'll just say that I cosign with anyone above who said that.

As far as the story goes, it's definitely interesting and I like the fact that we're given multiple points of view. But I think that some of them didn't really advance the story.

The verses themselves, individually were good for the most part, at times it was hard to follow a few of the lines just because of the structure but I enjoyed the varying rhyme schemes and styles.

Overall I would give this collab a 7.8/10, the only thing I could suggest that would increase it to a 10 would be the incorporation of more relevant characters in the story and then the change of the few parts where the flow was not as consistent.

thanks for the feed fellas

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