Hip Hop Forum

Let Me Take You On This Guided Tour,Streets Fuelled With Venom And Hate For The Law
Its All The Same Shit As Before,Over Crowded Tower Blocks But Still Babies Being Born
Children Being Beaten By The Very People Who Are Supposed To Care And Love Them
Neglect There Precious Souls Yet Having More Kids For Benefits Just So That They Can Meet Ends
Junkies Out On The Thieve,Stuck In This World They Crave Heroin And Crack Just To Feel Free
Hit The Streets To Make Some Money Only Care About Themselves Yet There To Blinded To See
There Is A Bigger World Than Just These Council Flats And These Fucking Squalid Drug Dens
The Youths In The Park With There Cider Getting Drunk Starting Fights But What Happens Then
Some Kid Pulls A Knife Dude Gets Shanked Up,The Kid Got 20 Years But He'll Be Out In Fucking 10
Its A Disgrace To The Human Race,People Think This Is The Best Life That They Can Possibly Acheive
Unaware That There Dreams Can Be Reached,All They Have To Do Is Get A Better Mindset And Beleive
I Did,Now Instead Of Picking Up My Weapons Im Reaching To My Cabinet And Picking Up The Paper And Pen
Cos Iv Been Dragged To Hell And Im Doing Everything In My Power To Ensure Im Not Going Back Again
So Now Im Left Here Wandering That If I Can Make A Change,Then Why Cant The People Around Me Do The Same
Cos For Once Instead Of Hearing Shouting,Screaming People Causing Havoc And Fucking Police Sirens
Instead Of The Burglaries,Muggings And Voilence,It Would Be A Pleasent Change To Hear Nothing But Silence

This is a nice written Dox, feels more like a Distilled Concept kinda drop. It's real expressive about the social reality of your environment, gives the reader a good idea of where u were raised as well as some of the personal struggle you've gone through to come out of it well. The language you use is well used, feels very British , in fact while I was reading it my inner voice was using a bit of a British accent. The flow could use some improvement, either make a more consistent flow or just forget the flow all together and have this be a non-rhyming drop I'd say. As it is, sometimes there's a flow, but then it stops for awhile and comes back again and than drops off again. I'd say either keep it always on or else just don't worry about the flow and make a nice expressive poem out of it. Overall though, this was a nice read, very expressive. Well done...

Thanks For The Feed Man

I was more of a read than anything
I personally think the lines were a little long
unless you do that slow talk swag style that Jz does
but I didnt feel any swag in the drop, so it was more of a read
I think u need to add mulit's in ur drop to make the flow
stronger as it lacked in something called 'drift where the lines carry

anyway it was pretty straight but room for improvment

~MarkB~