Hip Hop Forum

I contemplate future happening's happening infront of my eyes
I can't tell what's real anymore, 'till I hear screams and cries
The world got a vendetta against its's self, that's why it melt's
N my heart stopped beatin' the day my grandfather died, am just tellin' you how it felt
Mom's told me tear's are the souls way of releasin' pain that's none violent
I guess that's why I wanna hurt my self when my eye's stay silent
Ask god for forgiveness, But I ain't hear his reply
I blasthemed so much he prolly want me to die
I still pray for my enemies, god forbid if I see 'em
If I was them, shit, I really wouldn't wanna be 'em
Jealousy is envy, they just want what I got
So I stay on my toes, am on the way to the top
Light the mic up like a lightbulb when I come up with new idea's
Don't do it for the cheers, this is how I confront my fear's
Tell the world my story, It's no guts, no glory
All these fake ass rapper's rhymes really bore-me

Not bad, the second half stood out more to me. First half I couldn't catch the flow much and when I did I lost it.. it was a little more 'cluttered'. It picked up just before halfway in every category and it all has a New York flavor to it (Mobb Deep & AZ especially). It was kinda short I'd like to see something about twice the length from you on the same topic I'm sure it would come out nice.

The wind pushes my head down, my eye's glance at the concrete
See the chalk outline of a body thats been rendered obsolete
The outline of a 12 year old girl, caught up in the crossfire
Innocent bystanders runnin' 'cause the dealer gettin' stuck by his buyer
Kingpin's send out they goons for revenge, They call it street justice
Dude's like 'When it's hammer time son, you can't touch this'
Graffiti artists, sprayin' up another name on the wall
Dear little Grace, her name says it all
Her family pray's, but it's all to no avail
Her father won't walk her down the aisle, her face covered by no veil
Their baby daughter killed, just another vicitim to senseless violence
Ask Nas if we can please have another moment of silence...
Disciple of the street like God's Son, I tattoo my stomach so you know
If Heaven is a mile away, hold on to your dream n don't let it go
I see the world like a fly on the wall, my life a doc-umen-tary
Who know's what i'll witness, it's exciting but at the same time scary
My conscience tell's me, am headin' for an early grave
Not Scottish like Mel Gibson, But let 'em know my heart's brave
People used to kill or be killed for a reason, whether it's blood or crip
Now it's for the sake of savin' face, like takin' an L is on some sucka shit
A real man can take one, and come back stronger
N the real man, will live n last longer
Im no stranger to danger, caught so much static but thats why am current
Speakin' on relevant shit, that half you lame's couldn't
Woke up from my dream, about havin' a nightmare
Young girls killed in hails of bullets, I could'a swore it was real she was right there
Perspiration drips from my face, But I don't wipe my eyes
It's been so long, I forgot what it feel's like to cry
If god is watchin' me right now, I hope that he hear's me
Cause I pray for the day, he reads this as my eulogy
May peace be with you all, Hold your head up to the sky
If the sky's the limit, am'a live it 'till I die.

This is good, not great, pretty basic, not going to stand out in this crowd though.

I contemplate future happening's happening infront of my eyes
I can't tell what's real anymore, 'till I hear screams and cries

deep intro

The world got a vendetta against its's self, that's why it melt's
N my heart stopped beatin' the day my grandfather died, am just tellin' you how it felt

k

Mom's told me tear's are the souls way of releasin' pain that's none violent
I guess that's why I wanna hurt my self when my eye's stay silent

Deep

Ask god for forgiveness, But I ain't hear his reply
I blasthemed so much he prolly want me to die

venting.

I still pray for my enemies, god forbid if I see 'em
If I was them, shit, I really wouldn't wanna be 'em
Jealousy is envy, they just want what I got
So I stay on my toes, am on the way to the top
Light the mic up like a lightbulb when I come up with new idea's

Could cut that part out

Don't do it for the cheers, this is how I confront my fear's
Tell the world my story, It's no guts, no glory

cool.

All these fake ass rapper's rhymes really bore-me

Na.

for was it was I liked how you were deep, yeah basic but it was a raw piece. Keep dropping

-- Mon Oct 18, 2010 9:00 pm --

I contemplate future happening's happening infront of my eyes
I can't tell what's real anymore, 'till I hear screams and cries

deep intro

The world got a vendetta against its's self, that's why it melt's
N my heart stopped beatin' the day my grandfather died, am just tellin' you how it felt

k

Mom's told me tear's are the souls way of releasin' pain that's none violent
I guess that's why I wanna hurt my self when my eye's stay silent

Deep

Ask god for forgiveness, But I ain't hear his reply
I blasthemed so much he prolly want me to die

venting.

I still pray for my enemies, god forbid if I see 'em
If I was them, shit, I really wouldn't wanna be 'em
Jealousy is envy, they just want what I got
So I stay on my toes, am on the way to the top
Light the mic up like a lightbulb when I come up with new idea's

Could cut that part out

Don't do it for the cheers, this is how I confront my fear's
Tell the world my story, It's no guts, no glory

cool.

All these fake ass rapper's rhymes really bore-me

Na.

for was it was I liked how you were deep, yeah basic but it was a raw piece. Keep dropping