Hip Hop Forum

I spit some sick shit all laced with venom,
Paralysin plastic emceez so tha i can get em,
U talk that game but I don't see ya playin,
U talk that shit but I can't hear watt ur sayin,
Ur dribblin shit again, my friend, wipe ur chin,
Step on to my stage, ring tha bell n start boxin,
But don't climb in2 tha ring jus coz u think u can box,
I give u one warning dude, then tha gloves are off,
I think u stand a betta chance takin on Iron Mike,
Doggz'll take off more than ya ear wen i bite,
Then i'll piss on ur rymes coz u jus got owned,
By a skillful emcee on tha mike super stoned,
I'm always on alert, Doggz guardin tha game,
I do this coz I love this, u lookin for fame,
So give it up be4 u end up all hurt,
I'm gonna show tha entire world how u wear a skirt.....

I spit some sick shit all laced with venom,
Paralysin plastic emceez so tha i can get em,

Good start

U talk that game but I don't see ya playin,
U talk that shit but I can't hear watt ur sayin,

Alright.

Ur dribblin shit again, my friend, wipe ur chin,
Step on to my stage, ring tha bell n start boxin,

na

But don't climb in2 tha ring jus coz u think u can box,
I give u one warning dude, then tha gloves are off,

Good way to pick it back up.

I think u stand a betta chance takin on Iron Mike,
Doggz'll take off more than ya ear wen i bite,

ok. you could go more lyrical then that.

Then i'll piss on ur rymes coz u jus got owned,
By a skillful emcee on tha mike super stoned,

Nah. I think you could be more creative.

I'm always on alert, Doggz guardin tha game,
I do this coz I love this, u lookin for fame,

nice.

So give it up be4 u end up all hurt,
I'm gonna show tha entire world how u wear a skirt.....

No.


overall this was Ok, You have potential, but should avoid played concepts & just keep up with the witty haymakers.

Yea I have to Agree With Haz On This One...I Saw The Attempt But U Fell Short Where Creativity Is Concerned.. I Say Put Metaphores in your flow And it Will Grab More Attention. Also To Help Out the Flow Is The Concept Of Multies.. Its About Finding The Most Creative Way To Get Your point Across. Uno

thanx for tha feedback boys......u may laugh ur ass off but watt are metaphores and multies man. I've neva learnt tha proper structure to a rap, jus been listenin since a young pup and started rhymin once i got older......

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Its cool man... metaphores u can google...while ur at it ..google similies too.. if u want to learn more about multies and flow u can find all that info in the center of elevation. Lots of good stuff in there