Hip Hop Forum

how can i live without your love?
when your the one that makes me rise above,
you make me happy everyday,
with you in my mind, thats where i wanna stay,
coz we've been so close for so long,
you got me writin bare love songs,
i thought you was juss stringin me along,
but now ive realised i was wrong,
ive realised that i love you boo,
i hope someday youll love me too,
i dont what else i can do,
coz i cant stop thinkin about you,
your juss amazin, your gorgeous hun,
and i aint juss makin this track for fun,
im hopin once this track is done,
youll realize that to me, your the one,
i cant help the way im feelin babe,
and i dont wanna play no more games,
id rather have you than fortune and fame,
i want you to be the one with my last name,
coz i dont really want no other,
one day, i want you to be my kids mother,
we'll be fine if we love each other,
so tell me girl,

(i use the instrumental to Whatcha Say by Jason DeRulo juss incase your wondering about the bit where i go "so tell me girl" at the end)

let me know what you think
ive only spat for 3 months, so im hopin ill get better
if anyone has any advice on how to improve, let me know
tell me what you think

this sounds like it should be sung more then rapped
then again I don't know what your flow "is"
so I'ma just say this was pretty dope for what it was
cool lil' vibe nice lil' thought, kept the whole vibe
pretty cool drop maaaan

thanks mate well in my signature, theres a link called Love Letter Part 3, take a listen and see what you think

Have to agree with QwartZ, don't know if this should be rapped or sung. I sounds more like an r'n'b song tho...

Keep droppin as practice makes perfect. Welcome to the site bro, and by any chance are u aussie???

Well..... Well ... Ummm
Ok
This Was Fairly Basic When It Comes Down To The Rhymes Which Means That The Delivery Would have To Carry U A Long Way. I Dont know If U Do Audio And Cant Click The Links Cuz Im At Work So I Dunno. As For The Verse It Self I Sense The Emotion Is There.. Sometimes That Compensates For The Simplicity Of The Verse.

how can i live without your love?
when your the one that makes me rise above,

Like the opener

you make me happy everyday,
with you in my mind, thats where i wanna stay,

lol I like this line, even if its simple its catchy

coz we've been so close for so long,
you got me writin bare love songs,

ok.

i thought you was juss stringin me along,
but now ive realised i was wrong,

lol

ive realised that i love you boo,
i hope someday youll love me too,

Consistent.


i dont what else i can do,
coz i cant stop thinkin about you,

.

your juss amazin, your gorgeous hun,
and i aint juss makin this track for fun,
im hopin once this track is done,
youll realize that to me, your the one,

Good flow


i cant help the way im feelin babe,
and i dont wanna play no more games,
id rather have you than fortune and fame,
i want you to be the one with my last name,
coz i dont really want no other,
one day, i want you to be my kids mother,
we'll be fine if we love each other,
so tell me girl,

Good way to finish this..


For what this is it was good. It's written pretty well
Flow is good, Emotion is there.. just consistent.
Once you drop a more lyrical drop we can always analyze that,

good shit 4 the effort & Cool piece. Keep dropping

cheers everyone well im hopin i'll get better,
but gotta start somewhere ey?
and nah, im not aussie, im from landannn! (london) :L

I thought the flow was pretty tight the way I read it. Pretty basic verse rhyme/simile/imagery wise but I liked how it was just blunt emotion without being pretentious. Quite refreshing to read a drop like this once in a while but I'd also like to see how you'd grow in other aspects of being a textcee/emcee, keep droppin.

cheers mate
i mean, i wrote one rap that used good rhymes instead of basic ones like this, but my mate was like
"nah you cant, only black people use big words as the rhymes"
so i never bothered carryin on writin it

Nah that ain't true at all, look at Eminem lol. Since there's so many white rappers with different styles today the only real thing that separates black/white in hiphop is use of the N word lol.

yeah :L thats true,
i mean they're all basically the same,
ill post what i wrote so far of that track on here if you want?
but i dunno if i wanna carry on writin it still

it's upto u man lol

lmao, okay, let me know what you think