Hip Hop Forum

I was originally just gonna write something short to get some shit off my chest, and wasn't plannin on postin it up in these forums, but it turned out pretty damn nice for a quick 15 minute written. Let me know what u think...



I mean, damn... what the fuck is wit the plan
I'm gettin stuck in livid livin', diggin' ruts I'm livin' within
My decisions thrust is missin' rhythms, so I must condition within
At the cusp of hits and misses, I just rush and miss my mission
It's fuckin' nuts, I got a shit load on my plate
And in these words I do escape, leavin' all else in a blurry state
My daily livin's split in many ways, and the shards are stingin' me wit pain
My shoulders r holdin' so much weight, but I ain't never gonna back away
Cuz only by gettin' over my current fate, can I grow to behold my better face
So I straighten up my back, take a breath and in it I bask
Tell myself that I can take it with a laugh, and man up cuz this is where I'm at
I couldn't ask for a better wife, a better child, a better life
I've got freedom, and space to build, I've got a schedule I make myself
I've got goals and I've got dreams, I've got hopes and I've got me
And if I can't cope with that, then who the fuck am I to rap
Cuz this music is my soul, and if my soul is weak then I won't flow
But I trust that I will grow, so I keep on keepin' on past go
And even though my pockets r empty, I've got fortitude and my feets is steady
So I'll walk along this path, and get ready to take on all these tasks

Damn man thats pretty good man im feeling that alot man flow was consistent throughout and content was good overall pretty good drop man

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Resembling some of my old material, only better.

"I mean, damn... what the fuck is wit the plan
I'm gettin stuck in livid livin', diggin' ruts I'm livin' within
My decisions thrust is missin' rhythms, so I must condition within
At the cusp of hits and misses, I just rush and miss my mission
It's fuckin' nuts, I got a shit load on my plate
And in these words I do escape, leavin' all else in a blurry state"

The inners on that were fucking crazy.

"Tell myself that I can take it with a laugh, and man up cuz this is where I'm at
I couldn't ask for a better wife, a better child, a better life
I've got freedom, and space to build, I've got a schedule I make myself
I've got goals and I've got dreams, I've got hopes and I've got me"

Really. I didn't realize I was going to end up quoting the whole thing. Think you're really underrated on this site for some reason. That won't last for long though.

The flow was a bit more complicated than a lot of us write with these days as well.

Uppin!

This was actually a dope piece man, you started off nicely
you kept me interested the whole time, a real gleam of self assurance
which I enjoyed at the same time though there's a few parts I was thrown off
nothing to big though, maybe it's just the extra use of things that bugs me
like your "feets"? I mean if you meant feats. I'd get it but your feets?
really? well that's the only thing that bugged me, it just sounds weird...
but nonetheless a dope little piece for a quick drop...keep it up maaaan

Appreciate the feedback fellas---
I might go back and touch this piece up eventually and maybe try to match it to one of my beats (I wasn't actually listening to anything when I wrote it, which is kinda rare for me). I wanna try to maintain a bit more of that real tight inner rhymin' that's in the first 4 lines, not constantly, but a bit more often.