Hip Hop Forum

I Swear Sometimes I Snare My Own Kind, In A Trap Devised By My Own Mind
This Road Climbs And I Try To Survive, Tho On The Outside Im All Smiles
A Phasad Build By My Own Trials, Where I Hide My Own Cure In Stored Vials
Im Scorned Vile A Miles Returned Child, When In A Lil While They Got Tired
Known Stuggles My Unborn Mother, Made A Basterd With An Unknown Father
And Now Born Bothered, No Known Love, But Took What Was Not Offered
No Coffers, So i Own What i Wear, And Bear Over Grown Pockets
They Stare N Beware, Cuz In A Suit N Tie, They Kno Im A Grown Monster
Toungue Sharpened, So When The Snake Bitin, They Dont Sence Strikin
I Been Starvin, So When The Bread Plenty, I Stay Fasting N Strain Empty
Ive Faced Envy, And Raced Friendly Faced End-Me's.. Till They Pace Slackin
For Fame They Aimed Gently, When For The Cake I Panged Greatly
Binge Drinkin Till Stinkin Memories, No Longer Dreams Of Trajedy
Kinda Comedy.. That Ends With Fatality's When They Laugh At Me
A Sence of Community, That Fuels My Gravity To Attack Massively
Fatal Attraction Is The Only Love In Me, Oribiting My Sick Mentality
Beating Palpatations Whole Heartedly, Till My Body Is Just A Cavity
Never Been Love In Me, Cuz Ive Seem More Horror Than Jasons Family
I Could Say Dudes Done Shot At Me, Missed... But Left A Scar In Me
Blessed I Guess Its Vain Ta See, The Weight i Carry Never Encumbering
Evils Ive Encoutered Are Blessings, Cuz Im A Hunter Like Van Helsing
Glad To Lunge Into Expecting, Fueds With Weapons, Thats Sent From Heaven

i could hear this shit over a bad beat, the flow was impeccable. i enjoyed readin that shit, some came pretty deep too. kudos

I Been Starvin, So When The Bread Plenty, I Stay Fasting N Strain Empty
Ive Faced Envy, And Raced Friendly Faced End-Me's.. Till They Pace Slackin

Good shit. Great flow. You need a spell check, though. Keep it up.

Kinda Comedy.. That Ends With Fatality's When They Laugh At Me
A Sence of Community, That Fuels My Gravity To Attack Massively
Fatal Attraction Is The Only Love In Me, Oribiting My Sick Mentality
Beating Palpatations Whole Heartedly, Till My Body Is Just A Cavity
Never Been Love In Me, Cuz Ive Seem More Horror Than Jasons Family

cool seg.
really like that last line

nice drop man..flow is really smoothing out homie

Aight Flip, here's the raw deal. The concept is more than out-played, as so many artists have done something with it, whether it be painting or writing or music. Now, with that said, I think that you also have a life lived by many of us, which produces two things with this piece, number one- alot of us can relate, which is always a good thing, number two- alot of us have heard this type of stuff before, which can be bad. With that said, I think your flow was on time, I think you did a great job of telling your story, and your vocab was nice throughout. All in all, I think this would stand out more to me as an audio so I could hear your delivery and emotion with this piece. I like it over-all, definitely, but to seperate it from the crowd, I think audio would be the way to go... Hope this helps and is understandable. One.

yea i feel u .... i wish i had the beat i wrote this to as well cuz i record everything i write...thanks for the feed tho bro

I actually like this piece, not cuz I related to it
cuz the flow was dope as hell, I actually can picture this going down
some passion to the whole vibe, some real on point lyricism
you really got the whole painting a picture down
expressing that true emotion of a artist aswell as more...nice drop Flip
you really did your thing with this one


Binge Drinkin Till Stinkin Memories, No Longer Dreams Of Trajedy
Kinda Comedy.. That Ends With Fatality's When They Laugh At Me
A Sence of Community, That Fuels My Gravity To Attack Massively
Fatal Attraction Is The Only Love In Me, Oribiting My Sick Mentality
Beating Palpatations Whole Heartedly, Till My Body Is Just A Cavity
Never Been Love In Me, Cuz Ive Seem More Horror Than Jasons Family

^^^^^^^^^that segment really stood out to me
very nice work tho' man, keep writing!

I'd definitely agree with Murk that this is made to be an audio piece. It's got a real consistent rhythm and rhyme scheme, plus it's about your real experience and feelings related to that, so if it could be brought into audio with a real highlight on how the experiences within the words have moved you, it could be real dope. Shit, even though this would be nice with a beat, even if you just spit it acapella, but with emotion, it could be great.

Swear Sometimes I Snare My Own Kind, In A Trap Devised By My Own Mind
This Road Climbs And I Try To Survive, Tho On The Outside Im All Smiles

starting deep, I like the vibe already

A Phasad Build By My Own Trials, Where I Hide My Own Cure In Stored Vials
Im Scorned Vile A Miles Returned Child, When In A Lil While They Got Tired

The first line was Potent, you should reword the second a Lil , It'd come out nice


Known Stuggles My Unborn Mother, Made A Basterd With An Unknown Father
And Now Born Bothered, No Known Love, But Took What Was Not Offered

Like this..

No Coffers, So i Own What i Wear, And Bear Over Grown Pockets
They Stare N Beware, Cuz In A Suit N Tie, They Kno Im A Grown Monster

sounds like something Joel ortiz would say

Toungue Sharpened, So When The Snake Bitin, They Dont Sence Strikin
I Been Starvin, So When The Bread Plenty, I Stay Fasting N Strain Empty
Ive Faced Envy, And Raced Friendly Faced End-Me's.. Till They Pace Slackin
For Fame They Aimed Gently, When For The Cake I Panged Greatly
Binge Drinkin Till Stinkin Memories, No Longer Dreams Of Trajedy
Kinda Comedy.. That Ends With Fatality's When They Laugh At Me

LOL last line makes you sound like a psycho , I like it

A Sence of Community, That Fuels My Gravity To Attack Massively
Fatal Attraction Is The Only Love In Me, Oribiting My Sick Mentality
Beating Palpatations Whole Heartedly, Till My Body Is Just A Cavity
Never Been Love In Me, Cuz Ive Seem More Horror Than Jasons Family

Like the jason line, N the flow.

I Could Say Dudes Done Shot At Me, Missed... But Left A Scar In Me
Blessed I Guess Its Vain Ta See, The Weight i Carry Never Encumbering
Evils Ive Encoutered Are Blessings, Cuz Im A Hunter Like Van Helsing
Glad To Lunge Into Expecting, Fueds With Weapons, Thats Sent From Heaven

Way to end it,


This piece was Good on your part man,
Def Elevating still, the flow is good. Like how you writing your story,

Keep dropping