Hip Hop Forum

4 bars

House Rules

This is a short battle so take the time to explain your votes please.

K.O. rule is in effect. Otherwise, first to 5 wins.

Verses are due 24 hours after checks.

This is my check.

Good luck.

what can i say alpha bill easy slay ill ice his ass fast and blast past like fast n furious did this man is delirous if he thinks he can fuck with us

seriously b u from the d but dont know the streets ill murder ur rhymes ok shady this man is just a baby in this game <proof> has already faded,caught it ur shit no 1 bought it ur flows distorted for $5 ur ass is ripped off

this bitch soft ill <punch line> this bitch in his lips just like its lip gloss

how much this shit cost to stay ahead of the game ur ass is lame 5 seconds of fame heres ur $5 now wheres my change

Faggot signed up here cuz he was looking for love, but all he found was a booking for slugs
N now hes scared n shooken because, Im giving him his first 'L' like a fuckin rookie on drugs!

Kids jokes are mild, hes asked if I got 8 mile styles but he keeps gettin ate by denial
Cuz he knows hed neva c dough if he went from 'Jokerswild' to a stock brokers child!

Dude dont want the beef the way Im bossin the cattle, when Im tossin hes rattled
This is an unfortunate Sequence of events...jus ask the last fuckin aussie I battled!

He's never done-e, but hes trippin battlin me, he'll repent for his sins cuz I feel tension in the wind
I'll bury your kin, in pro poker tournaments is the only time 'Jokers Wild' is ever mentioned to win!

Alpha Bill wrote:
Dude dont want the beef the way Im bossin the cattle, when Im tossin hes rattled
This is an unfortunate Sequence of events...jus ask the last fuckin aussie I battled!

Fuck you asshole, our battle isn't closed this is swaying so you should get a DQ.

Joker, you're verse was just all over the shop so saying that, alpha bill all cats.

joka your main problem here was your structure,take a look at how bill's is layed out, makes it alot easier 2 get into the flow.

'what can i say alpha bill,easy slay
i'll ice his ass fast and blast past like fast n furious did
this man is delirous if he thinks he can fuck with us'
0

seriously b u from the d but dont know the streets
ill murder ur rhymes ok shady this man is just a baby in this game <proof> has already faded
caught it, ur shit no 1 bought, it ur flows distorted for $5 ur ass is ripped off
this bitch soft, ill <punch line> this bitch in his lips just like its lip gloss'.. better dude,0

how much this shit cost to stay ahead of the game
ur ass is lame 5 seconds of fame heres ur $5 now wheres my change'
best line.

over all 1 out of 4 got some building to do, but this is a start man.


BILL
Faggot signed up here cuz he was looking for love, but all he found was a booking for slugs
N now hes scared n shooken because, Im giving him his first 'L' like a fuckin rookie on drugs!good flow , decent punch 1/2

]Kids jokes are mild, hes asked if I got 8 mile styles but he keeps gettin ate by denial
Cuz he knows hed neva c dough if he went from 'Jokerswild' to a stock brokers child]dope 1
]Dude dont want the beef the way Im bossin the cattle, when Im tossin hes rattled
This is an unfortunate Sequence of events...jus ask the last fuckin aussie I battled!nice 1


He's never done-e, but hes trippin battlin me, he'll repent for his sins cuz I feel tension in the wind
I'll bury your kin, in pro poker tournaments is the only time 'Jokers Wild' is ever mentioned to win!
good shit 1

overall 3 1/2 out of 4

good shit bill..joker keep building,u got the idea just need 2 smooth the flow and work on your punches and wording lik i did would make the flow better.

-- Tue Aug 31, 2010 7:14 am --



-- Tue Aug 31, 2010 7:14 am --

VOTE BILL

Breakdown


Jokerz- Nice concepts sometimes, but you definitely need to work on your wordplay and punchline delivery. Also, your structure didnt help the reader find your flow, which can hurt your verse in anything you write when it comes to rhyming.


Bill: Flow was sick, and you had some nice lines. Ive seen you come harder, but the elements were there and you delivered.

Vote - Bill

3-0 K.O

Joker - Keep it up, man. Remember all the shit I told you and listen to these guys' advice.

Closed & Updated

-- 01 Sep 2010 05:10 --