Hip Hop Forum

Bill

I wake up everyday, 15 to noon, livin in pain and lust, pissed in my room
Went from 16 to 21 too soon, left in the dust with my brain but no broom
I cant focus, theres no zoom, theres no daloreon, I cant go back to the past
I cant see the future, but I know theres torrents of sin, and this life wont last
I knife through the grass, looking for the promised road thats less traveled
Im bold and Im crass, but this road Im on, seems best to come un-raveled
Try to get back in the saddle, but keep getting snapped back into my eyes
Reality checks, and I crack at that Im slowly demising my own premise
And Im desensitized to this world and always feel so alone on this planet
I realized I have something to say, I have the seed but cant seem to plant it
If I did it would flourish with nourishment into something worth speaking
And I could furnish these empty walls and give me somethin worth keeping
Its as if my time has elapsed, these rhymes in my grasp, I look at the paining sky
Raining lies, thought my mind had snapped, it was the branch I was hanging by

Plex

I've been plagiarized to death, I should spit on microphones/
re-trained my eyes, because I'm only aimin high with rifle scopes/
I had a dangerous rise and seen my share of frightening lows/
paint the skies with the brush of life, tragedy strikes like lightning bolts/ (pain disguised)
time for a change of tides with a quarter of my life in Gods pay phone/
i stayed in my safe zone, regrets engraved inside my minds grave stone/
in my horizons I see a sitting angel crying on a disappearing rainbow/
its like I'm living in a fable, I don't even know if i should have sibling if it isn't rachell/
wishing I was stable but the bills keep piling up on the kitchen table/
listen if your able, I'm so sick of these vicious twisters and tornados/
that I'm spitting like I'm J cole, from the cradle I had big dreams and hopes/
but I'm an anemic demon ghost, that can't get what I want to achieve the most/
its all about the money & respect; I really don't even need em both/
I just want to drown in success, first I got to keep a float in this sinking boat/

complexity wrote:Brought to you by muscle man and muscle jam.


And Im desensitized to this world and always feel so alone on this planet
I realized I have something to say, I have the seed but cant seem to plant it

paint the skies with the brush of life, tragedy strikes like lightning bolts/ (pain disguised)
/

pheelin alot more of it but theze two werd play parts were werd up
werd

I cant focus, theres no zoom, theres no daloreon, I cant go back to the past
I cant see the future, but I know theres torrents of sin, and this life wont last
I knife through the grass, looking for the promised road thats less traveled
Im bold and Im crass, but this road Im on, seems best to come un-raveled

dope seg bill

Its as if my time has elapsed, these rhymes in my grasp, I look at the paining sky
Raining lies, thought my mind had snapped, it was the branch I was hanging by

nice

re-trained my eyes, because I'm only aimin high with rifle scopes/
I had a dangerous rise and seen my share of frightening lows/
paint the skies with the brush of life, tragedy strikes like lightning bolts/

nasty

but I'm an anemic demon ghost, that can't get what I want to achieve the most/
its all about the money & respect; I really don't even need em both/
I just want to drown in success, first I got to keep a float in this sinking boat

very dope collabo fellas

The imagery in this piece really stood out to me
the whole vibe y'all brought was nicely done too
very impressive collab to say the least, the flows
they were on point the whole time, I liked both verses
you strung the whole story along nicely and made it work
I'm feeling the first verse but I don't think it works
without the second, which is cool, y'all constructed it nicely
and kept on topic and kept the imagery flowing smoothly
nice drop fellas

Thanks for the feed so far, guys.

Leave links to stuff you need feed on.

I've been plagiarized to death, I should spit on microphones/
re-trained my eyes, because I'm only aimin high with rifle scopes/
I had a dangerous rise and seen my share of frightening lows/
paint the skies with the brush of life, tragedy strikes like lightning bolts/ (pain disguised)
time for a change of tides with a quarter of my life in Gods pay phone/
i stayed in my safe zone, regrets engraved inside my minds grave stone/

Ha Ha YEAHHHH!! That's What I'm Talkin' Bout

I cant focus, theres no zoom, theres no daloreon, I cant go back to the past
I cant see the future, but I know theres torrents of sin, and this life wont last
I knife through the grass, looking for the promised road thats less traveled
Im bold and Im crass, but this road Im on, seems best to come un-raveled
Try to get back in the saddle, but keep getting snapped back into my eyes
Reality checks, and I crack at that Im slowly demising my own premise

Sick!!

Thanks.

Upping for Bill to get some feedback.

"I wake up everyday, 15 to noon, livin in pain and lust, pissed in my room
Went from 16 to 21 too soon, left in the dust with my brain but no broom"

That shit was too real.

"And Im desensitized to this world and always feel so alone on this planet
I realized I have something to say, I have the seed but cant seem to plant it"

Ill.

Upping for feed.

Nice collab guys. I'm especially feeling these particular lines:
from Bill:
"I knife through the grass, looking for the promised road thats less traveled
Im bold and Im crass, but this road Im on, seems best to come un-raveled"
"I realized I have something to say, I have the seed but cant seem to plant it"
and from Plex:
"paint the skies with the brush of life, tragedy strikes like lightning bolts/ (pain disguised)"

Both of you have great rhythm and rhyme, but the clear expression of your reality is what stands out to me as the highlight of this written piece. I don't know if you guys ever record shit, but if you do I think this could make some great lyrics for a track.

I knife through the grass, looking for the promised road thats less traveled
Im bold and Im crass, but this road Im on, seems best to come un-raveled

Its as if my time has elapsed, these rhymes in my grasp, I look at the paining sky
Raining lies, thought my mind had snapped, it was the branch I was hanging by

I had a dangerous rise and seen my share of frightening lows/
paint the skies with the brush of life, tragedy strikes like lightning bolts/

that I'm spitting like I'm J cole, from the cradle I had big dreams and hopes/
but I'm an anemic demon ghost, that can't get what I want to achieve the most/
its all about the money & respect; I really don't even need em both/
I just want to drown in success, first I got to keep a float in this sinking boat/

The feelings in this piece were very strong. I quoted my favorite lines up there but really the whole thing was on point. Your styles complimented each other especially well.