Hip Hop Forum

The eve was clear, presumed deserted. I made haste along my path
Objective focused. Caused hypnosis by the hand that’s on my back
He told me his name was death and it’d be best if I would step with him
Instantly I’m hesitant. He cautioned with a whisper that he’d take me to a being’s brim
Right then is when the temp dropped, and cold set in my bones
I felt my vessels icing over, my heart, a frozen stone
My breath crystallized before me, Death snickered with disrespect
With such contempt. I’m disinclined to acquiesce to his request*
Being the monitor he is he quickly ousted my reserve
Crushing my will with chilled breath and his liquidating words
“You don’t really have choice. I have a story and you’re the voice”
Within seconds my lungs were tied. At that moment my flesh had died.
He said, “you’re on the journey of your life, and you’ve got Death as ya guide
All that you need I will provide, here’s a pen, some paper now help me tell my side”
I couldn’t fight, I surrendered, made a captive in in my skin
I grabbed the paper, grabbed the pen, “Tell me where shall we begin?”

Z.X.Y. wrote:The eve was clear, presumed deserted. I made haste along my path
Objective focused. Caused hypnosis by the hand that’s on my back
He told me his name was death and it’d be best if I would step with him
Instantly I’m hesitant. He cautioned with a whisper that he’d take me to a being’s brim
Right then is when the temp dropped, and cold set in my bones
I felt my vessels icing over, my heart, a frozen stone
My breath crystallized before me, Death snickered with disrespect
With such contempt. I’m disinclined to acquiesce to his request*
Being the monitor he is he quickly ousted my reserve
Crushing my will with chilled breath and his liquidating words
“You don’t really have choice. I have a story and you’re the voice”
Within seconds my lungs were tied. At that moment my flesh had died.
He said, “you’re on the journey of your life, and you’ve got Death as ya guide
All that you need I will provide, here’s a pen, some paper now help me tell my side”
I couldn’t fight, I surrendered, made a captive in in my skin
I grabbed the paper, grabbed the pen, “Tell me where shall we begin?”

I don't have time to thoroughly break this down but it was real good on some poetry/hip hop blend.

Liked it a lot.

The eve was clear, presumed deserted. I made haste along my path
Objective focused. Caused hypnosis by the hand that’s on my back

Nice Opener

My breath crystallized before me, Death snickered with disrespect
With such contempt. I’m disinclined to acquiesce to his request*

Good Flow... Piece is Def Interesting

You don’t really have choice. I have a story and you’re the voice”
Within seconds my lungs were tied. At that moment my flesh had died.
He said, “you’re on the journey of your life, and you’ve got Death as ya guide
All that you need I will provide, here’s a pen, some paper now help me tell my side”
I couldn’t fight, I surrendered, made a captive in in my skin
I grabbed the paper, grabbed the pen, “Tell me where shall we begin?”

Real Nice Ending...With The Beggining... Good Introduction Piece.. I Like The Flow And The Topic Behind It... Way To Tell A Story Bro... Keep Dropping.

Decent drop. Nice creativity with some of the visions you painted. Vocab wasn't extremely basic and the scheme worked well. Welcome to tha site.

Thanks ya'll i might make a part two idk.

Crushing my will with chilled breath and his liquidating words
“You don’t really have choice. I have a story and you’re the voice”
Within seconds my lungs were tied. At that moment my flesh had died.
He said, “you’re on the journey of your life, and you’ve got Death as your guide
All that you need I will provide, here’s a pen, some paper now help me tell my side”

Sinister Shit Right Here

I really liked the way you ended it. A good piece throughout, too.

thanks ima post more writens soon.

This was a pretty good, got a dark tone to it
like you really take a person into that imagery
the beginning is what set the tone for me on the real
had a slick yet chilling vibe to it, you know how to paint a picture tho'
I give you props on that man, a lot of sinister lines here
keep dropping man, can't wait to see more from you bruh

Nice drop, man.

Good story telling. I think it could have been a little longer towards the middle.

Good imagery and a creative piece.

Definetley wanting to see a part 2 to this being you left us on a cliff hanger.

Thanks omega, i didn't spend as much time on this. Should check out my other one, its a lot better.

This is nice, not as good as your Sage's Alchemy piece, but this is still great. The reading of these two pieces has convinced me I'll probably take a look at whatever you drop in these forums...