Hip Hop Forum

I just started writing about 2 months ago. I do comedy writing, im an asshole and a big fan of hip-hop so i thought id run it all together

All eyes on me..I got more eyes on me than in___di___vi___si___bi___li___ty. Thats right, sound it out but next time you sound it out.. wipe the nut from around your mouth while im marking my territory..takin a piss all around your house.
You defeating me? Over your dead body. ill leave a pack of hyenas fighting over your dead body then shovel a pile of dirt over your dead body. Dont make me bring the shotty or its over your dead buddy.
Im the reason you should keep your gun off safty. Im mentally sick, i get a kick outta makin muthafuckas hate me.
Fuck around and catch me standin over your bed.. WARNING!(You gotta be this tall to read these rhymes or my lines will go over your head)
Your nursery rhymes make me sleepy so give your lord a rest. Im like the guy that got ate by wild pigs...bored to death.
I could swarm atcha wit bee stings, fully beasting but the only way u could feel my lyrics is if i wrote'em on a doller and slipped it in your g-string.
I drop verbal bombs an alphabet pearl harbor Im lyrically fading bitches better than Drakes barber.
Yall cant see my lyrics so lets call this a camoflo. I got more talent in my pinkie than Jay-Z has in his camel toe.
Lets face it your game is fucked. Even if you put stairs on the court you still couldnt step your game up.
The flo is like diarrhea...this shit comes easily and im like mad cow..you dont wanna beef with me.
Ill shoot atcha while your driving and empty the clip. If you survive i guess we'll call your ride the miracle wip.
Nobody looks up to me cuz when im around they face down. muthafuckas cant stand me like im paralyzed from the waist down. When i come through your best bet is to lay down cuz I bus rounds like pullin drive-bys in a greyhound.
Placed in the atmosphere at most fear a lyrical Bram Stoker, ill put the metal to your lid and can opener, Its no question when it comes to your girl..i can open her.
I always come hard like ejaculating cement. If i bust a nut in your eye you still couldnt see-men.
I bring fancy wordplay so my fans see wordplay Influencing muthafuckas to write SICK WORDS mkay?
Pullin out all stops, cop car, shinin hard, rock star Im about to blow up the spot like Akbar and they will not drop charge so ill never look back like "should i not have drop that Ak bar?" Oh speakin of Akbar, you'll definitely meet your doom cuz ill leave you startin your car and it *ren-ren-ren BOOOM*

Mic Tyson

lol structure

Hes right though, cuz it messes with the flow at takes away from what hip hop is all about. You did have nice concepts though, some that are played and some that were more original, but over-all you're medicore going for gold, and after two months of writing, is not bad at all to boast about. Keep getting at it bro.

Your nursery rhymes make me sleepy so give your lord a rest. Im like the guy that got ate by wild pigs...bored to death.

I drop verbal bombs an alphabet pearl harbor Im lyrically fading bitches better than Drakes barber.

Ill shoot atcha while your driving and empty the clip. If you survive i guess we'll call your ride the miracle wip.

Nobody looks up to me cuz when im around they face down. muthafuckas cant stand me like im paralyzed from the waist down. When i come through your best bet is to lay down cuz I bus rounds like pullin drive-bys in a greyhound


Favorite bars, you got some sick concepts for only writing for 2 months. There is definite room for improvement but you're on the right track.

Yezzir is right though, it's not easy to catch the flow at times because your lines are so over-stretched, structure is important for text battling/writing that way the reader can catch onto your flow easier.

Decent drop, man. Can't wait to see you improve further.

Yo Bill and Murk Thanks alot yall for actually leavin some positive feedback.

Ya I do bring it strong tho ive been writing for about few mouths but to me thats the only way to survive in hip-hop. I listen to artist like Immortal Technique, Chino XL and A.O.T.P. so that ruff house style is all i really know.

As far as structure each of those lines i dropped were spit to different beats. I wanted it to look like a train wreck so i mashed all my favorite lines together makin sure my lyrics match my avatar.

On the played out concepts, I really dont know what concepts are already used. I try and make sure none of the artist i listen to have used them but i realize that online is a completely different field and many of you have already use ones im thinking of.

Mic Tyson wrote: As far as structure each of those lines i dropped were spit to different beats. I wanted it to look like a train wreck so i mashed all my favorite lines together makin sure my lyrics match my avatar.

each line a different beat..u crazy..lol

i would like 2 see what u could do 2 the same beat.

already been critiqued on structure.and you know its a 'train wreck'

Fuck around and catch me standin over your bed.. WARNING!(You gotta be this tall to read these rhymes or my lines will go over your head)

cool concept..

I drop verbal bombs an alphabet pearl harbor Im lyrically fading bitches better than Drakes barber.

another cool idea minus verbal,lyically(just hate those used as verbs)


good start thou man keep it up!

abz

WARNING!(You gotta be this tall to read these rhymes or my lines will go over your head)

Thats Good Bro

Im like the guy that got ate by wild pigs...bored to death

Nice lol

The flo is like diarrhea...this shit comes easily and im like mad cow..you dont wanna beef with me.

Kinda Played But Worded Nice

Ill shoot atcha while your driving and empty the clip. If you survive i guess we'll call your ride the miracle wip.

LMAO...I Never Hear This One B4...I Would LOL At This If I Heard SOme One Rappin It

I always come hard like ejaculating cement. If i bust a nut in your eye you still couldnt see-men.

By Far The Most Played line I Could Find In There... Couldnt Tell U How Many Times The See-men Line Has Been Used

Def got a crazy style tho bro.. structure was off flow was off n on.. prolly cuz the use of diff beats.. not good to do that cuz we reading it to no beat and its mad jumpy.. But U Should be able to Polish Up Rather Nicely And elevate Quickly. U Have The Concepts Down Bro.. Jus Try To Write to Either One Beat Or No Beat.. It Will Help The Reader More And Give U A Lil Bit More A Challenge To Elevate.. Ups

This was actually pretty cool, I get your style tho'
some call it long bar...which I've seen before but never seen it with a concept
I take it your a battle rapper correct? nicely done lines as far as I'm concerned
a lot of played lines aswell, but it doesn't really matter
seems like this was all in fun so i won't be too critical
I'm sure you have a lot of better stuff up your sleeve for later on
either way I'm diggin this piece man, the whole thing is awkward
but doesn't fail to impress...keep writing