Hip Hop Forum

16 Bars ?

Due 48 hours after both checks

Punches
wordplay
nameplay
multis
flow

and Whatever else comes to mind.

16 lines tops, Idk if you count a bar as one line but I count it as 2... So from my eyes, 8 bars. That sound right to you?

Like my other battle, Im going to have to push this one back til Sunday or Monday. I've got to work tonight and tomorrow and Im not going to rush it. But cheggity checkkin in...

Check

Hopefully, you will post soon, but I dont thinkyou will take forever to get back to this one...

Lmfao...
I'll be his 'opposite', 'redneck talkin it', wouldn't shock me if 'AM-BIT-YUNS'/
you couldn't deliver explosive on a battle card if you were Gambit's-son/

I spit sick like rabies, so ugly even babies look at you crazy/
probably because these punches got under ya skin worse than a case of scabies/
http://www.lib.uiowa.edu/hardin/md/dermnet/scabies.html

I'm doper than a common-fiend, yet it seems Amb has an arm-in-need/
He wasn't talkin bout 'playin a bitch on Weeds' when Qwarterz called you a 'drama-queen'/

QwarterZ - Mon Aug 23, 2010 2:39 pm
Ambition is a drama queen

if Amb graduated in 2000 he still wouldnt be in a-class wit-me/
Like 'switchin rubbers' at an orgy, just 're-tire', Amb kNOw your LIMITs like Master-P/

Face it, you don't know-me, clearly you're lonely, have no skills that you've shown-me/
my punches are quick to hit and split ribs, ya middle's soft like ya Shoulder's Hold-piece/
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/shoul ... 15823.html

I'm so ill, see me and let loose-wit-vomit, like 'retail stores', I'll choose-my-'Target'/
My bars heard by you from Seattle like when you lost to a Super-Sonic/

This is already in the past-bro, like 'Marathon runners with short legs', you 'finish last'-though/
APPARENTLY, since it appears~to~me you're queer~indeed and soon voted ILLest's biggest-asshole/


Okay, a bar short but whatever... A few dummy disclaimers on this one, and please check the links people...
1- Sholders Hold piece, if you read, you will notice that in the middle of the verse, his flow falls off horribly and some lines dont even ride with the others...
i.e....,That Makes No Sense In Both Ways, Blow Rage Out Cha Ears
I Take Music In, a Musician, 2hands Up like Abusive Limbs
as well as... Every New Trend a Deception is Gained..
So you Have To Be Tricky Ta Get In The Game I Reckon The Same Goes Fa Me
Na I' Move Purified Like a Golden Sea, All Armageddons is Chained
2- Seattle Supersonics is a basketball team, sonic waves are a way to measure sound, and Scott James is from Seattle, whom Amb lost to
3- Weeds is a TV program
4- Just in case there's one idiot that doesnt know, Master P is the founder member of NO LIMIT records, and retired when he realized that his sales were going to shit
5- He's in the running for ILLest's "Biggest Asshole", if that wasn't already known as well


I know, I know, I probably didnt need to dig on you to win this battle, but Ive put plenty of personals in the shout box while you were in it as well, and didn't want to sleep on you. Here's my verse, let's see yours and get it cracckkkin'...

I'll do the whole 1 and 0 thing then break it down into cats

I'll be his 'opposite', 'redneck talkin it', wouldn't shock me if 'AM-BIT-YUNS'/
you couldn't deliver explosive on a battle card if you were Gambit's-son/

1

I spit sick like rabies, so ugly even babies look at you crazy/
probably because these punches got under ya skin worse than a case of scabies/
http://www.lib.uiowa.edu/hardin/md/dermnet/scabies.html

0

I'm doper than a common-fiend, yet it seems Amb has an arm-in-need/
He wasn't talkin bout 'playin a bitch on Weeds' when Qwarterz called you a 'drama-queen'/

QwarterZ - Mon Aug 23, 2010 2:39 pm
Ambition is a drama queen

1

if Amb graduated in 2000 he still wouldnt be in a-class wit-me/
Like 'switchin rubbers' at an orgy, just 're-tire', Amb kNOw your LIMITs like Master-P/

1/2

Face it, you don't know-me, clearly you're lonely, have no skills that you've shown-me/
my punches are quick to hit and split ribs, ya middle's soft like ya Shoulder's Hold-piece/
shoulders-hold-vt15823.html

1

I'm so ill, see me and let loose-wit-vomit, like 'retail stores', I'll choose-my-'Target'/
My bars heard by you from Seattle like when you lost to a Super-Sonic/

1

This is already in the past-bro, like 'Marathon runners with short legs', you 'finish last'-though/
APPARENTLY, since it appears~to~me you're queer~indeed and soon voted ILLest's biggest-asshole/

1

5 1/2


Like Lady gaga's deal they Konning The Joke In
Hes a Walking L appearing makes Murk a Re Loss Like Thermomita Broken

1/2

Beef Jerky Play ya Part you Bragging To Be Ruined
illest handed Murky To a Shark Like Imagine If a Human

0

I'm Ashamed To Spar with junk registering doesn't Make you Any More a ill Rapper
You gotta Explain ya Bars In Front Like Convincing a board of Pill Passers

1

You're On This Freeway Stopping You Should Jet To Get ya Leeway Popping..
The thought of Dead's in ya name go By it Now Like The Ebay Option ..

1

When I was 9 he was 19 I'm Facing A Punk
Can't tell the Age Difference He Hit in 30 Like Biggest Case Gets um Drunk

0

This cowards a Problem The reminder Is NBC Sick Child Finder
when hes on the News With Flowers N Condoms 4 a minor

1

You're a Nuisance Tryna Hang Me Man... Throw In The Rope
Preaching Quarters Bullshit Like a Angry Fan Holding In Smoke

0


I Adopt To abuse He Was Tooken for Beating..
Ripped um so Nasty Underneath Like with Skeets Looks Is Deceiving

1

4 1/2

Best bar from Murk:

Face it, you don't know-me, clearly you're lonely, have no skills that you've shown-me/
my punches are quick to hit and split ribs, ya middle's soft like ya Shoulder's Hold-piece/

Best bar from Amb:
I'm Ashamed To Spar with junk registering doesn't Make you Any More a ill Rapper
You gotta Explain ya Bars In Front Like Convincing a board of Pill Passers

Overall: Murk

This was a close battle, but also it wasn't a really heavy hitting battle. No bars really made me go "ohhhhhhhh shit", ya know?

Murk: That scabies bar could have been worded a lot better to make it hit harder, it the set-up was decent but the punch lacked the oomph and made it just seem like a run-on sentence.

Amb: The 30 pack line was cool and all but not really a personal or a diss, in my opinion, even if it was directed at his age, it just didn't hit and I know you can definetley re-word and twist shit to make it work but it just didn't.

Punches - Merv
wordplay - Merv
nameplay - Merv
multis - Merv
flow - Merv

vote - Merv

don't really need a thorough breakdown cuz its clear but i'll give you 2 feedback anyway

merv - first you OD'd on the explainations completely unnecessary i copy/paste and deleted them & the spaces away before i read it and i got everything they're really unnecessary, you had some good lines and concepts but tryed to jam way too much shit in per bar, it really threw your structure off a good bit and took away the impact of your lines could've had, if you wouldn'tve try to squeeze so much in so little space and just kept your best lines and structured a nice scheme around them the verse would've been alot better imo

hazard - you had plenty of good concepts the only problem was they weren't written clearly, i've known you for awhile so i could tell what you were getting at but to those who don't it probably comes off as random, you need to focus on writing your wordplay concepts in a clear concise manner and avoid using rhymes that don't sound natural when spoke in conversation, your writing comes off way too abstract an unatural at times and its gonna continue to cause you to lose battles until you tighten it up and write your concepts down more clearly & fluidly