Hip Hop Forum

(this is the morning warmup)
.. my homies a sabertoothe/
the danger soothes him like a baby sucking breastmilk from a ladies boob/
aint we aint gotta talk about the way i move/
these fools is crazy dudes thinking they gon make it through/
i got a larger arsonal than the navy do aimed at you/
seein red like the sun settin. but im strait up like it angle at noon/
now ima start gettin hot like the last days of june/
flows tighter than painted on bathing suits/
or virgin amatuer anal shoots//
fuckin raisin the roof/ startin moshpits/
taking bud coors and miller hostage/
tellem start sayin the truth/
we dont like tasteless yellow beer, start raisin the proof/
100 billion ads and campaigns/ its all fake like the news/
never swayed by these mut-ants/
this non human de-evolution movement got me stayin recluse///

(gettin hotter..)

i just cut my hours down at work to two days a week/
i need more freetime to write shit<and blaze these MCs/
causin earthquakes over beats/ hittin so hard
it causes peoples knees to get weak clear overseas//
just a greedy mafucka tryna pollinate like honey bees/
so after i bust n skeet its on to the next lovely treat/
and i could puff some treez/ it makes me eco friendly
but in actuality the only thing that keeps me from turning green//(whoa)
know what i mean?/ im talkin the hulk u fuckin idiots/
so christ-like on the mic i could make u switch religions bitch//
jesus resurrected a second time just to witness this/
his desciples came with../
..to script this new edition according to these writtens that i spit//
so fuck the catholics and christians/
im rewriting the history..
of the biggest gimmick religion that ever existed!!//

( ok im warm now )

freeze bitches/ im like sea bisquit/
do laps so fast around ya tracks u gettin sea sickness//
spittin heat if u feel frigid/
flows hotter than a 100 keys gettin moved out of a police district/
cops pissed cuz there D's missin//
snakes in the grass/ u always hear these streets hissin/
thats/ the reason i live on an island/ to keep the peace pimpin//
but even if my knees give in../
ima keep be-lievin in hip hop. thats reason enuff for me to keep livin/
if tho the world keep sp;innin and people keep sinnin/
ima never take this game too serious. like a team scrimmage/
tho i always aim to keep winnin, my mission/
in life is to teach. spread peace love and forgiveness/
even tho i got beef with these christians that keep preachin religion/
im gonna teach em a lesson, make em rethink their decisions/
beat em and whip em/ leavin evil inscriptions/
with a demons intentions/
i leave em leakin while they reach for the heavens//
in less than 33 seconds freed and released from conviction/
its byrdman the mormon, my mission's
to kill conformists and snitches/

feedback appreciated i havent been writing in years just started again..

these were alright pretty simple good mutis in places others were almost hittin, no real stand out lines

liked the first key flowed the best

i would like to see more,

keep elevating

thanks bro i feel ya. just tryna get back in the game. im fiendin to drop some shit on the mic< so expect more.

These were purdy cool, need some work
the structure made me not want to read it
but I did, you got some decent lines my dude
the flow could be tweaked a bit, other then that
it seemed that you did what you aimed to do here
warming yourself up, I see some potential from you man
keep writing and you'll be dropping some sick schemes
punches and so on, keep doing you bruh....peace

ive always had trouble with my structure. not always< but when i use a lot of multies and emphasis on certain words/schemes it makes it more difficult. appreciate the feedback.