Hip Hop Forum

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIkd-2BB16Q


still unique, got them poisonous teeth
knock em so hard, they get their boys for relief
enjoyin this week at least I thought I was
bought some bud cuz theres a lot to lust
hush, cause I know them cops would love
to drop em cuffs, on an outlaw doubt I’m ruff ?
amounts of busts coming quick and hard
I pick your scars with shots from a pickle jar
hits leave lips ajar collisions like hits from cars
shit I sip at bars waitin to rip script apart
this is heart readjusted so it lit the dark
I took a swim wit sharks and got chewed on
I proved strong hits with fists then I moved on
The shit like a true Don they folded like futons
whose wrong as I flea from red an blue songs
badges bastards weaving through traffic
laughed as I gassed it past em shit was classic
I got away dash in than I wrote this passage
I had a fucked up day like a nerd wit broken glasses
Its just another day in the life of Emcee HAvic

uppin

This was pretty dope. Good use of multies and had some nice rhyme schemes. Flow was on point except for the whole chewed on bar, but it was a minor hiccup. Good shit, bro.

this shit was dope i think yA READY FOR AUDIO so stop bullshitting get ya money right so you can cover all the necessary expenses

I proved strong hits with fists then I moved on
The shit like a true Don they folded like futons
whose wrong as I flea from red an blue songs

This Lil Piece Stood Out Right Here cuz of Pure Flow

For Real Never Seems To Stop Amazing Me How U Make It Look o Ez... LOL.. Multies n Flow Were Def On Point .. But One Question... For Real Not To Talk Shit... how Much Content Do U Sacrifice For Flow And Structure..Cuz At Some Places I Did Not just Get It But Had To Credit Cuz It Flowed Well

I pick your scars with shots from a pickle jar

As An Example.... It sounds Good And Funny But WTF Does That Mean Or How Does IT Support Ur Topic?... Ok Im Being An Asshole..

Not knockin ur skillz at all i just need to be enlightened

Good use of multis for the most part. In a couple places the way that you worded the lines, if I were to say them outloud, would make me sound like a loser.

"hits leave lips ajar collisions like hits from cars
shit I sip at bars waitin to rip script apart "

Bad ^

"I proved strong hits with fists then I moved on
The shit like a true Don they folded like futons"

Good ^

The inner multis were also nice, it kept this piece moving along nicely.

"how Much Content Do U Sacrifice For Flow And Structure"

The answer is too much.

lol yeah that pickle jar pick your scars line is a meta4 for glass cuts just a tricky line

thanks for the feed people

and the positive deconstructions still im uppin