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Questions of the Dead

Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2010 8:44 pm
by M-Vario
I wrote this one for a Tourney and i just thought i would share some of my work with ya'll Illest


04:34 A.M. Christus Jasper Memorial Hospital, Jasper, Texas 2004
Event’s as remembered of Father Rinaldi

So tired and weary its been quite a bad night
Sad I…
am waiting to read a 5 year old his last rights
A lot of thoughts pass by, grasp at my rosaries
A cold chill…no im cold still
then the feeling of sleep washes over me
my eyes glazed as I slowly slip into a glum daze
the world around me becomes a dull roar then it just fades
shake my head, Man im tired….why are the lights dim?
No one around…The boy’s door is open so I walk in
A thin kid, blonde hair, blue eyes, freckles on his face
“Am I alone in this place?”he asked with an expression so brave
He sits up. I say "Don’t, rest please son. Lay down”
Press the emergency button, nothing…. No sound
“Don’t move stay here ill be right back
I’ll run down the hall and get the hospital night staff”
Out the door, turn the corner stop at information
There is no one waiting, the desk and seat are vacant
Got to find help!
How is the boy up? He had severe extremity wounds
Adrenaline rush, so I rushed to the emergency room
As I past the infirmary two…
men in black coats, one said -See he is in a big hurry too…-
I screech to a halt “Gentlemen, Do you work here?
Is there staff or somebody with training that can help near?
There is a boy down the hall earlier he fell out of a 3 story window
His arms and legs were glass riddled, fragile and crippled
I came here to because he was expected to die
Read him his last rights, but now how he is up and alright?”
-Relax father he is fine…-
-If you didn’t recognize his face your realize in due time-
-You are a good man so we do this for your true faith-
-as you prayed we came ease your pain before you wake-
-Tell him he is loved, there is no way to replace him-
-your worldly possession you would trade in if only to save him-
-that you will miss him and not a moment will go by-
-where you try to hold it together, but tears are pull from your eyes-
-alas it will be hard but have inner courage for this task, choose-
-to be strong enough answers the questions he could not ask you-

……..
“Father Rinaldi, wake up your family is waiting,
For you to read the last rights and say goodbye the patient”
“Thank you nurse”,
“Thank you all for coming and before the prayer has begun
In your presence there are a few things I want to say to my son"

Re: Questions of the Dead

Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2010 4:18 am
by Mistah Unknown
good shit!

Re: Questions of the Dead

Posted: Thu Jul 29, 2010 5:39 am
by FlipSide
A cold chill…no im cold still
then the feeling of sleep washes over me
my eyes glazed as I slowly slip into a glum daze
the world around me becomes a dull roar then it just fades
good imagery there
How is the boy up? He had severe extremity wounds
Adrenaline rush, so I rushed to the emergency room
As I past the infirmary two…
men in black coats, one said -See he is in a big hurry too…-
movie like quality to this bro... im visualizing it happening :)
I came here to because he was expected to die
Read him his last rights, but now how he is up and alright?”
-Relax father he is fine…-
-If you didn’t recognize his face your realize in due time-
-You are a good man so we do this for your true faith-
-as you prayed we came ease your pain before you wake-
ok....big ole twist
“Father Rinaldi, wake up your family is waiting,
For you to read the last rights and say goodbye the patient”
“Thank you nurse”,
“Thank you all for coming and before the prayer has begun
In your presence there are a few things I want to say to my son"
Ok descent twist anyways.... i liked the originality of this piece... it was refreshing to me... always good to see something from left field like this... gets me thinking... Dope drop dude...

Re: Questions of the Dead

Posted: Thu Jul 29, 2010 2:06 pm
by Audible Thought
The imagery was amazing with this piece. The story itself was presented very well. Good piece overall i enjoyed the read

Re: Questions of the Dead

Posted: Sun Aug 01, 2010 7:06 pm
by M-Vario
thank you for the feed. ill be sure to return the feed

Re: Questions of the Dead

Posted: Thu Aug 12, 2010 6:06 pm
by NoVeL
Yo.. This Shit Right here, honestly It's Soooooo Good I Gotta Read It Again

Re: Questions of the Dead

Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 1:31 pm
by QwarterZ
I enjoyed this piece man, you did your thing
I was captivated from the beginning of the piece
to the end, I thought the whole twist was dope
at first I thought it was his son, then you made me think it wasn't
but then it was...amazing, to be honest I think there should be more pieces like this
you drew me in with the emotion and the imagery, and made it work
keep writing my dude!!!!!

Re: Questions of the Dead

Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 4:38 pm
by IntrinsicCadence
Damn you can write. The imagery is phenomenal, the story is incredible, and you combine that with the great meter and movement in the words, and you got a piece that I couldn't take my eyes off of.

Re: Questions of the Dead

Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2010 7:45 pm
by Orfadox
Damn Dude That Was Sick Really Enojyed Reading That Peice!!

Re: Questions of the Dead

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2010 2:13 am
by TheNobleOne
this was a pretty solid drop man. interesting story. i kind of saw the end coming but it was still a good piece. i think the rhymes were a bit better in the beginning and kind of fell of toward the end but i still read the whole thing so thats something. holla

Re: Questions of the Dead

Posted: Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:52 am
by ER215
Yo... This is some good stuff here... I read it over a few times...

I love the concept... This is deep... I really enjoyed this work...

*off to read it again*