Hip Hop Forum

To Kanye's new instrumental Power:

For really much longer than I care to remember
I've dared pretenders to witness and just admit their surrender
I spit fire like embers, my soul's frozen like winters
and my flow's colder than a hockey rink in December
My agenda's amended, yes lyrically I've evolved
spherically you revolve, but wait a miracle called
blessed with the gift of my pen and some slick rhymes I can spin
I present the latest examples of lyrical innovation
Developed through years of obsession my skill's fastly awakened
My past might catch up to me but now my casket is vacant
the pinnacle's my aim and direction and yes my path is unshaken
if my peers think I'm regressin' I guess they're sadly mistaken
I've been miraculously patient waitin' for my individual callin'
so cease your weak-minded thesis and your pitiful squabbling
My creativity propels words that'll launch a visual volley
I'm the original, atypical, ill, lyrical tsunami
Not even Kinko's could copy the complexities I design
ironically my simplest topics are still perplexing your mind
I had to fight for this crown, I left submission behind
cuz greatness always encounters violent opposition at times
Your skills are Rocky at best, I'm like Apollo refined
so just throw in the towel, bow, and fall back in line
You may have gathered by now, but I'ma tell you one time
I'm the...

21st Century Schizoid Man

I appreciate the feedback. I'm gonna reword a few of the other earlier lines (the lyrical innovation and pitiful squabbling bars specifically). Also Apollo beat Rocky in the first movie by split decision, but Rocky won in Rocky II. I may reword that line but I like the comparison between "rocky" vs "refined" and the Rocky/Apollo reference. If I do make some changes I'll just edit that above post.

I spit fire like embers, my soul's frozen like winters
and my flow's colder than a hockey rink in December

I think this line was DOPEness

blessed with the gift of my pen and some slick rhymes I can spin
I present the latest examples of lyrical innovation

Good buildup here then the lines flow fell of with a three syllable last half of line...when all others were two and lyrical was too close.. Better than i would word it tho

Developed through years of obsession my skill's fastly awakened
My past might catch up to me but now my casket is vacant

Now that i see this first line i take that top comment back... transitioned

I've been miraculously patient waitin' for my individual callin'
so cease your weak-minded thesis and your pitiful squabbling

This was The Fire....

Had a lot good things in there... this was an interesting style ta read.. im not the whole break shit down dude.. but i read and enjoyed it

The vocabulary was outstanding in this piece. That is the second thing that I noticed along with the flow and well balanced structure. I liked how each new line used a connecting rhyme into the next bar, sometimes writers revert to that pattern and sacrifice creativity with rhyme schemes. Inevitably making their entire drop less interesting but you seemed to walk that line smoothly.

"I present the latest examples of lyrical innovation
Developed through years of obsession my skill's fastly awakened
My past might catch up to me but now my casket is vacant
the pinnacle's my aim and direction and yes my path is unshaken
if my peers think I'm regressin' I guess they're sadly mistaken
I've been miraculously patient waitin' for my individual callin'
so cease your weak-minded thesis and your pitiful squabbling"

The best part by far was the lack of forced rhymes. That is a talent in its own. When reading this you feel as though its like reading a rhyming book by a professional writer. I appreciate that talent in others, and like to acknowledge, but too many similar sounding bars can get a bit redundant.

I've seen a few drops from you, the one thing that seems to be missing is that eye catching, captivating bar that everyone wants to quote, not just because of what it says, but how its said.

Because being accused of being bland, I use to be all the time, with this kind of style, is the worst criticism that you can receive. I'm not saying that you are that, with writers like Ruckus and Rugged Eros, we all have to step our game up a few more notches.

This is purdy dope man, it's been awhile since I read your pieces
but the flow was on point, the whole vibe was purdy sick
I haven't heard this song, so hopefully it flows good to it
I think I'ma have to peep it, other then that this came off sickly my friend