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Re: Poetiquette
Posted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 1:40 am
by FlipSide
Sit back, forget all the nonsense, the inanimate objects
Thinking forward somewhere in the back of my conscious
Pain drips from my hands, the flames lit n' I’m mad
And when it’s all over it’ll be the same shit just a scab
On the outside people clap, on the inside sheeps attack
A needless act to entertain from the front to the seats in back
But try to see the fool in me is saved, by being a hooligan on stage
How true of me to say I might just be a tool of entertain...
... Meant, to be more, not just a jewel who lost it...
Not a person who'd be handed the torch, then try being cool n' drop it
Now I'm running red lights with nothing you can do to stop...
it.
It hits hard dude.... nice....concept for this drop...pretty deep too
Re: Poetiquette
Posted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 1:43 am
by QwarterZ
I take off the coat n' tie, daze off n' close both eyes
Open my mind n' begin to chase thoughts down the road inside
that part woulda sounded dope if worded different
like daze off n close my eyes
that just rolls off better, well the way I read it anyway
still a sick piece tho' that flow is murderous
Re: Poetiquette
Posted: Fri Jun 11, 2010 8:55 am
by (Trubblecleff)
possibly my favorite drop ive read on the site. from rhymes to imagery concept complexity of thought i loved it a work of art thank you
Re: Poetiquette
Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2010 2:09 pm
by Glamtrash
I love the concept. I hate the forced rhyming. The piece itself is great, however very basic. It's lacking imanginry - not in the story itself, but in the delivery of it. Again, that's because of the forced rhyming. My advice to you would be to work on your vocabulary, because you have definite potential. Fix the wording and you'll be set
lol.
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