Hip Hop Forum

I pour my heart in soul into this art of flow
then Spark this bowl with strife n growth
I let it go set a sail the wind did blow, Where did i fail
Where' dit go, my heart was frail... so i Pain this tale
away with ale.. My minds strained my heart is jailed
Now My sights on fame and in parts prevail.. Game!
Check mate and kinged..stress mates n queens
Expressways ta think in terms of positioning.. me
At high speeds of ease i swerve toward calamity
I was at a peak & relativity brought me back 2 reality
With a lack of gravity, to understand.. family
Walkin aimlessly a target 4 those that aim at me
As lames it seems this part of the game in me
Retain the change in banks for richer messages
Exchange its range for facts that picutre canvases
ta explain the pain tha acts caused future actions kid
And Fashion it ta blast with it a weapons smith
A lethal lyricists with legal loaded clips thats infinite
the sequels livid with 'hits where the 'misses went
no revelance of past tenses-dat dictate a replacement
His faith is not shakin like his late fondation
Up-scaling the negation with the thruths invention
My sole intention fules my souls agression to hold satisfaction!

i feel that you had some strong multis goin and then you dropped them to soon. like it had a rhythm and flow and then it had to change up and u picked it up went strong and dropped it again . when i read it i got the impression it was half fillers half strong lyrical content i could be wrong and i dont know that much about the structure of rap and maybe an audio of it would be easier but i had a hard time feelin the piece as a whole.did love the openin line though

Word.. i do write like i spit..i think that might be a problem

only when ur audience cant hear u patna

That Was Cool Not a Bad Drop At All, What Stuck 2 Me Like Glue Was This Part.

I let it go set a sail the wind did blow, Where did i fail
Where' dit go, my heart was frail... so i Pain this tale
away with ale.. My minds strained my heart is jailed
Now My sights on fame and in parts prevail

Multivity Sickness!!

I pour my heart in soul into this art of flow
then Spark this bowl ____ ( Insert Here)

I let it go set a sail the wind did blow, Where did i fail
Where' dit go, my heart was frail... so i Pain this tale

Should Replace this, it was sorta crazy lol gotta Sorta of Sentence it out so it Still sounds Normal.

away with ale.. My minds strained my heart is jailed
Now My sights on fame and in parts prevail.. << -- Better


Check mate and kinged..stress mates n queens
Expressways ta think in terms of positioning.. me

Liking the flow to this bar.

At high speeds of ease i swerve toward calamity
I was at a peak & relativity brought me back 2 reality

Alright.

With a lack of gravity, to understand.. family
Walkin aimlessly a target 4 those that aim at me

Could play with This a Lil More.

As lames it seems this part of the game in me
Retain the change in banks for richer messages
Exchange its range for facts that picutre canvases
ta explain the pain tha acts caused future actions kid

you Could Cliped "tha acts",
Liked the bank thing

And Fashion it ta blast with it a weapons smith
A lethal lyricists with legal loaded clips thats infinite

could play with this a Lil more 2.


the sequels livid with 'hits where the 'misses went
no revelance of past tenses-dat dictate a replacement

You should try using a Few Multis here and there

His faith is not shakin like his late fondation
Up-scaling the negation with the thruths invention
My sole intention fules my souls agression to hold satisfaction!

Last line was Cool.

You Could of Gone harder with This ending.

You have a grip on writing, you just Need some Shaping up.
Need to try different ways of writing and what Not.

This was Cool though,
Stay Up N Keep Dropping

thanks for the break down..i saw what u were lookin at..it helps a lot!

Purdy sick, I see your toyin' with different vibes
which is always good...it shows growth and expansion
when you start doin' different tracks it's goin' to show
keep it up my dude!

i wish i cld break down like ambintion did but i aint good with the breakdown system so i think this is most one that i like since u dropped so i m saying keep it writing!!