Hip Hop Forum

Complexity
Junior

Allow me to open my rhyme, it seems like my dreams are broken in time/
since I was nine hoping I'd shine, gun to my dome I had to focus my mind/
close to divine intervention,spoke with a cup to my words, I captured attention/
as fast as they'd mention that I was out the game, I was back in contention/
like Obama, smashing convention, these lames fakin sayin I ain't game changin/
the rhymes I write are more painstaking than working at any trainstation/
scared of heights, they are just plane hating, this rhyme is like terror flights/
and drone strikes, for critics who spend their whole life in a battle, mines a pro fight/
won't fright until the fire inside dies like broken stove pipes on cold nights/
you've been told twice, these critics tire quick, they are about to hit road spikes/
I've got a glow like strobe lights, you might look at me like I'm some kind of a genius/
I arrive at this thesis cuz I've been honored more than the highest science achievements/
they lie when they reply to my pieces, they'd die to have this pride an devotion/
while supplying emotion that leaves no eye dry like a fire hydrant explosion/


First of all to all you critics that assault my letters
My thoughts more clever, but still I will applaud your efforts
You frauds can never pressure what's evolved and weathered
Drawn together with clever levers and a resolved endeavor
Pause the lecture, so I can address your ridiculous notion
That I'm dismissive in posting and can't elicit emotion
I'm just so prolifically potent that all my verbs are verboten
My words can stir oceans through verses spurred by devotion
If you've heard what I've spoken then you can't disagree
that rants written by me are advanced philosophy
Mythologically woven, but I'm ill-logically broken
sick wit can't be fixed but I'm probably joking
that's what you're probably hoping, but your parade's getting rain
I'm a blade splitting veins until the mundane are all slain
I'm gas maining your brain and I'm exploding your mind
Reforming your lines until like mine they're refined
Time after time, basically occassionally
hater's be facing me claiming they're as great as me
but they're deceived. They see but not everyone perceives
that i'm in it to win it so give me the crown and I'll leave

[quote="complexity"]Complexity
Junior

Allow me to open my rhyme, it seems like my dreams are broken in time/
since I was nine hoping I'd shine, gun to my dome I had to focus my mind/
close to divine intervention,spoke with a cup to my words, I captured attention/
as fast as they'd mention that I was out the game, I was back in contention/

The opening was good, it kept my attention and the rhyme scheme was on point.

like Obama, smashing convention, these lames fakin sayin I ain't game changin/
the rhymes I write are more painstaking than working at any trainstation/
scared of heights, they are just plane hating, this rhyme is like terror flights/
and drone strikes, for critics who spend their whole life in a battle, mines a pro fight/

Alright the first line I was kinda feelin', and i got it but those next two lines were incredible. Especially that third line with the play-on words and the airplane/flight imagery was real clever.

won't fright until the fire inside dies like broken stove pipes on cold nights/
you've been told twice, these critics tire quick, they are about to hit road spikes/

Again the wordplay in this bar is good.

I've got a glow like strobe lights, you might look at me like I'm some kind of a genius/
I arrive at this thesis cuz I've been honored more than the highest science achievements/

The rhyme scheme for this one was good and use of vocab here was nice and connected the bar.

they lie when they reply to my pieces, they'd die to have this pride an devotion/
while supplying emotion that leaves no eye dry like a fire hydrant explosion/


The ending was a good way to go out.

If this was one of the verses you were talking about that you didn't like that is ridiculous cuz this is easily a 9. The only thing that keeps it from being higher is I felt the opening wasn't as strong as the rest of the piece (which isn't to say it wasn't good by itself, it just seemed on a lower level in comparison to the rest of it).

This was sick to many lines to quote plex your verse was on point great flow multis where good ive seen better metaphors and punches by you but still great

junior your shit was as good as always too i havent seen to much from you but everything ive seen looks really good flow was on point and multis where good liked the read you guys keep it up

First of all to all you critics that assault my letters
My thoughts more clever, but still I will applaud your efforts
You frauds can never pressure what's evolved and weathered
Drawn together with clever levers and a resolved endeavor
Pause the lecture, so I can address your ridiculous notion
That I'm dismissive in posting and can't elicit emotion
I'm just so prolifically potent that all my verbs are verboten
My words can stir oceans through verses spurred by devotion
If you've heard what I've spoken then you can't disagree
that rants written by me are advanced philosophy
Mythologically woven, but I'm ill-logically broken

Right here...this shit right here...DOPE..Very good. I mean, you can't say much more. That would spit ill on audio.

Damn, junior I felt whole ur verse nuttin to criticism, plex I loves ur punches there so yall both have perfect collab together

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Junior, it was one of those things, where that is just how I opened the verse, and without them lines, I couldn't move on.

JJ. No wonder I set the standard for myself so high, look at your feedback. I'm just playing.

Thanks for the feedback, especially the critical. I really need to learn to trust my instinct more on bad lines, because this is the fifth or sixth drop in a row that I identified the bad parts, but left them.

Still elevating everyday. One thing, I swear to God, you forget more than you ever learn.

Uppin for feed!