Hip Hop Forum

I haven't written many rhymes since I started writing a few weeks ago. Looking for all positive/negative feedback.


i was walking in the park when i dropped my money,
500 dollars cash, big trouble with my honey,
i turn to give chase but my bullies are in place,
expletive, expletive, that's perfect, just great
theres pork rind, big and tall, brain was caved, neanderthall
and Wine flu, who knew, that his girl, waxed my crew
last and least is Curly Coup from the Ridges,
but this ain't Madison County and I'm not Lloyd Bridges,
I won't run like he did cause that times come and gone,
no turning back now, i may be eating front lawn

glove slap, baby, glove slap
lashed her face with his dick and it made a loud clap

Jeez this shit is filled with em... good shid dude

thanks man

for real bro this is way to long very little ppl will show up any attention break it into parts so lazy mutha fuckers will read it

this was verrrry mediocre, needs work in alot of areas. nice read none the less though. 1

ReFleXiOn wrote:this was verrrry mediocre, needs work in alot of areas. nice read none the less though. 1

Flex, give the guy some credit. If he just started writing, I say he should keep going. I see sparks of creativity in it. I may have missed the longer version of this but, from what I see from someone who's only been writing a few weeks I'd say work on getting crazy creative and focus less on rhyming basic syllables and more on getting an intelligent thought across.

Elevate --