Hip Hop Forum

5 Bars.. No Swaying Biting Or Recycled Verses..
House Rules:
WordPlay
Punchlines
Flow
Enjoyment

Due In 1 Hr.. Consider This My Check & Make It Do What It Do Dawg..

checkn n

-- Thu Apr 01, 2010 12:28 pm --

thats time!

-- Thu Apr 01, 2010 12:31 pm --

sum1 tell this bootleg mini me-his flow can not get with me-its just obscenity/
writers block?i got the remedy
cock back the remy b and spark creativity..cre-a-tively/

truth is you envy~me- neva think u'll get a win on-me
ur lack of creativity is frankly offending-me/
he loves club bathrooms.. plenty of men-to-see
think its an all star game the way he try to watch MV-P/

no more guns lines- just get constantly jabbed
hooks work you face chest body and abs/
pardon my laugh- but you are obviously ass
look you could pic out this herb nigguh...botany class

beat ya face with a cattle prod-then stump ya spine
till ya back dislodge/
jump in da truck and swear outloud that the Lack handles odd
then run the whip into yo back-no Amistad/

tought guy-what you a spartan nigguh?your nice?well im POLITE-beg my pardon nigguh/
TOP-Tier..well you can fall from up-there i be bret hart'n nigguhs

~nice drop~

Flow - Tie
Punches - Creative
Personals - Creative (not much personals in here)
Vote - Creative

Advice for both....try and spit some more personals and structure ya bars. Makes it easier to follow and gets to the point quicker. Good battle..

2-0 Uppin

WordPlay
Punchlines
Flow
Enjoyment

No its 0-0

those were the voting Cats above... there was Nothing about personals right? i could have sworn in the forum rules it states voters vote on the cats given.correct? it would also be nice if i could get a break down of the votes for improvement.

If I take the time to break down each verse line for line.. shit better count.. fuk your CATS… ahem, anywayz


Major V:
sum1 tell this bootleg mini me-his flow can not get with me-its just obscenity/
writers block?i got the remedy
cock back the remy b and spark creativity..cre-a-tively/
1.5/5 – This is not a diss nor a name play, this is just rhyming.. there is no attack here, just playing with words, rather obscurely I might add.

truth is you envy~me- neva think u'll get a win on-me
ur lack of creativity is frankly offending-me/
he loves club bathrooms.. plenty of men-to-see
think its an all star game the way he try to watch MV-P/
2/5 average bar. Creative punch, but the set up wasn’t there. Additionally, these bars are too long, you can make 4 lines out of this 1 bar.

no more guns lines- just get constantly jabbed
hooks work you face chest body and abs/
pardon my laugh- but you are obviously ass
look you could pic out this herb nigguh...botany class
1.5/5 although, your flow is consistent, you’re not delivering any blows. Voters are looking for something creative, a witty punch line or bar that sticks your oppenant directly. This bar could apply to anyone, nothing specific about it.

beat ya face with a cattle prod-then stump ya spine
till ya back dislodge/
jump in da truck and swear outloud that the Lack handles odd
then run the whip into yo back-no Amistad/
1.5, ok, no offense, but all this “I’ll split you back open and murder you in you the back” is not only redundant but rather boring. Again, no similies, metaphors, or anything creative

tought guy-what you a spartan nigguh?your nice?well im POLITE-beg my pardon nigguh/
TOP-Tier..well you can fall from up-there i be bret hart'n nigguhs
1.5/5, Flow was there, but this was a rather poor closer. “I be bret hart’n nigguhs”? Really dude? You gotta elevate major.. pick up your vocab, punches, and try adding some metaphors and word play to your verses. It’s going to require a little more writing, thinking, and deleting.
8/25 – sub par battle verse

Creative:
Imma Bout 2 Get Cre@T!Ve On Variola, Aim 1 At His Brain As Shots Blaze His Shoulders, Have em Leanin Exhausted.. The Sauce Thick.. In A Pool Of Blood Lookin Like Raviola!!
2.5/5 nice syllable flow, wasn’t diggin’ the Raviola punch.. and I don’t think that’s how you spell Ravioli 
I Get It Poppin' Like Coca Cola, He Get It Poppin' Like Pussy In Ya Sistah's Sofa, Nigga Imma Vicious Soldier.. You Is Not Thug.. If I Ya Avy Pop Slugs Rockin' Trench Suits N Penny Loafers!!
2/5 again, nice syllable flow, but “Like Pussy in Ya Sistah’s sofa”? – wtf ThoughT? LOL
Let's Get It

Go 2 Sleep Bitch Imma Serve You On A Anthill, Then Reserve Ya Remains 4 Burial Up In The Catskills.. N If I Aint That !ll Imma Recite Ya Drop 4 Tribute As A Last Will!!
1.5/5 ThoughT, if you’d stop making up shit like serving folks on a anthill and actually try to think of something more “creative” (pun intended), you’d actually have a decent bar here. Example; This cat is “Major” wack, and actually lack-skills, blah blah blah blah blah, and hand him his last will.. or some shit like that, anyway.. if you gonna punch, make it connect.
I Crazy Flow Cuz My Spits Mean, I Go Bar After Bar Even After My First 16, You Aint Never Been A Gangsta Major.. Unless You Talkin' C.O.D Warfare.. Puttin Bullet Holes In People Split Screens!!
1.5/5 you took to long to get to your punch, which was less than mediocre to say the least. Kill about 4-5 words in your lines and don’t talk about yourself so much in a battle verse (unless it’s directly setting up the punch).
N Im The Shit Man !ll Cuz Imma Sick Man, You Could Never Outshine Me Dawg.. Even If You Grind Ya Bars.. Doin' Half Pipes N Kickstands!!
2/5 – I actually liked this closer, this is the what I was referring to in your prior bar. You bragged about yourself to set up the punch; however, you deviated from the initial flow so the whole bar sounds kind of off.
Creative/ThoughT, I’ll say you’ve come along way. You used to just drop personals that weren’t true, and your punches weren’t direct.. at least now you’re swinging “at” your opponents. Keep elevatin, you’re getting there.
9.5/25 slightly below average verse.
Vote = Creative by a 1.5 scoring

WordPlay - Creative
Punchlines - Creative
Flow - Tie
Enjoyment - Tie

Vote - Creative

Like I Said...ehem 2-0 Uppin

3-0 Close N Update Please!!