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Re: The Little Engine That Couldn't
Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:25 pm
by Glamtrash
I really like the srory behind this, it's crazy deep and quite an interesting little story to read. However, that story is lost in that atrocious structure. I would like to see more from you though so work that shit out and keep droppin.
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Re: The Little Engine That Couldn't
Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 6:58 pm
by Borat
Dude... sick piece! You do need to polish off the structure I think but overall ill shit. I love the hero line, and all of the second stanza thing. And most of the third. You kinda fell off in parts but I'm happy I read this. Keep it up man
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-- Wed Apr 14, 2010 4:03 pm --
693 views with 2 replies(3 counting this).... cheeeeeesus!
Re: The Little Engine That Couldn't
Posted: Wed Apr 14, 2010 7:14 pm
by M-Vario
I don’t know how to talk to girls, I never took chemistry class/
They like to strip the best of me and give the rest of me back/
that one hit hard for me. reminded me of some ex's. ditto on the structure part but from begining to end it was a good read. like i said before i have YET to be disappointed clicking on one of your threads.
Re: The Little Engine That Couldn't
Posted: Fri May 21, 2010 7:28 am
by QwarterZ
Restraining orders/ girls parents pressing /harassment charges/
Cuz I told her /abusive dad/ who’s getting mad/ I’ll kick his ass/ and start shit/
Sat at dinner tables while my girl’s dad /threatening to shoot me/
Thinking of what /weapon to use/ looking like some old /western movie/
He wasn’t joking; the whole table heard him /say he’ll do it/
“I got a loaded shotgun upstairs and I aint /afraid to use it”/
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^damn you went in
I'm really feeling this because it gots that real expressive vibe...like your painting a picture
making a movie, all the sections were broken off nicely
I really like the vibe of it tho'
what I quoted was sick tho'....keep it up!