Hip Hop Forum

If you read any of my stuff, ya'll know I struggle like crazy with cadence, structure and all that. I say that to say I really don't care about none of that stuff with this piece...I'm just expressing. This real life. thanks homies!

My faiths shaken, hearts achin breakin,
for 5 years I been fadin, heavy laden,
my little one suddenly taken,
Mommy n Daddy misses you Jaden,
it’s frustratin’ no fakin, this pains amazin’,
I’m still waitin’ for a safe haven,
Father why we been forsaken?
can’t you see the works of satan?,
I slumber, I’m vacant, the apathy’s blatant,
Father I can’t awaken spiritually
so I express my burden lyrically, hoping you hearin me,
cuz right now hell’s fury’s steering me,
interfering see,
I’m straight up pissed, the gist,
hatred’s in the midst,
Your Word says resist, but I’m transfixed,
this loathing persists
Faith is all but dismissed, I insist, I just wish
Jaden was here and I didn’t have to write this shi*!


***Tears streaming forming valleys on my cheeks
Losing a child would make anyone weak, ya feel what I speak?***

PhD wrote:
My faiths shaken, hearts achin breakin,
for 5 years I been fadin, heavy laden,
my little one suddenly taken,
Mommy n Daddy misses you Jaden,
it’s frustratin’ no fakin, this pains amazin’,
I’m still waitin’ for a safe haven,
Father why we been forsaken?
can’t you see the works of satan?,
I slumber, I’m vacant, the apathy’s blatant,
Father I can’t awaken spiritually
so I express my burden lyrically, hoping you hearin me,

that was pretty dope, vocab was up to par for sure, structure wasn't that bad man, it all flowed alright, pretty cool drop. stay up

thanks man. pre-shade it.