Hip Hop Forum

You're the most reliable women I know, quiet and posed
give me a spade I'll dig you out of a hole
I've acquired your soul, I control your desires and goals
you're never a liar, even admired by foes
together we are pro's at surviving the blows
you've kept your eyes on the road, wont tire or fold
she is mine to be hold, when I touch her hand, she is slightly cold
if she showed me a diamond, I might propose
her style is bold, she looks great no matter how she is clothed
I look straight in her face when she is proudly exposed
without me shes thrown out the house that she owns
tonight she is coming to see me and I doubt shes alone
she'll bring a friend together they'll swing and bend
the thing is then, she wants me to have a fling with them
her friends a friggen ten and a fiesty swinger
she has the nicest figure, though i like my girls slightly bigger

We hop on my boat, my girl likes the river, I prefer the lake
sometimes I'm working late, she cancels on our circled date
I'll be the first to wait, cuz I'll meet her at a certain place
when I see that perfect face, I'll know its been worth the chase
man can't match the work of fate, acting straight
she comes just after eight, wearing mascara the blackest shade
masquerading the fact shes playing she jacks that spade in
a fast sensation hits my heart like a laceration
I start to imagine, axing her like she has no reason to be
but jesus its to easy to see how she is keeping me free
together we are as deep as can be, I never denied her a spot
she likes to smoke, sometimes she gets too high on the pot
I don't try to act like its a big deal, when its not
she knows how I feel and if I cared for real, then she'd stop
what does set me off, is when she gets drunk, I mean just wasted
I get fucking frustrated, guess I still don't have enough patience

Listen..She is more than lethal, I love how evil her plots
there is no one her equal, whether being with her is illegal or not
together we will reach for the sky, Steven King...we will make a killing
take in millions, we'll even raise...I mean, the greatest children
we'll spend days just chilling, maybe on a beach or in a park
I know what's deep in ur heart, I hate when they keep us apart
at times I can get angry, declared as insane when swearing ur name
u hide cuz ur embarrased in shame, but nobody compares to ur game
u weren't prepared for the fame, there are a few lessons that you best learn
but when I'm at my wits end, you're always there at the next turn
I could be more David and less stern, even your presence is inspiring
you're the only women I know who sits higher than a king
put her in any circumstance, and she will make it through
you might swing both ways, I'm still always straight with you
her future is bright, but nothing like, she could accomplish with me
she is on deck like Derek Jeter; I'll have her hit like muhammad ali

Spoiler

Its about the ace in poker.

Flow - 8/10 some parts the syllables didn't match (ie Massive aggravation- would've played well one syllable less, best learn/next turn was 1 syllable off in the bar) other than flow was on point

Metaphores - a lot more in the beginning then there appeared to be in the middle and end.. however I remember the David Stern line being one that stood out

Word play - used to more play on words from you.. this was more in line with story telling and I noticed you wanted to get the points in without swaying to far off course.

Concept - Wow, Datin a bisexual (NIIIIIIICE) The three way sounds cool to me... hell I'da had no problems with it. (Hope I didn't miss the whole concept behind the drop.- had my mind in the gutta for a sec)

Story line - totally on point man the whole way through. Vivid descriptions, verses fed into the next stage. Had that Plex touch in it and everything.

Put a hook to it, nice jazzy smooth beat, and you got a song fit for the commercial scene.

...sounded like a true story, but I won't speculate.

Fixed the massive line a bit. Not to take away anything from the drop, but I was so busy working on the concepts that the grammar/flow may have suffered occasionally which is unfortunate.

Actually...

Spoiler! Copy the text.

It's about the Ace in poker.

complexity wrote:Fixed the massive line a bit. Not to take away anything from the drop, but I was so busy working on the concepts that the grammar/flow may have suffered occasionally which is unfortunate.

Actually...

Spoiler! Copy the text.

DAMN IT, I SEE IT NOW. Shit you hid it well, but the clues are right there! HA.. Got Damn I'm stupid... shit's right there! And it's my favorite past time... Edit your post, let's see if other's see it. This just takes the piece to a whole nother level for me. I knew it was too simple to be true. (Why is Plex using such simple delivery, is there something behind it?)... now I feel like a dumb ass.

"I'll be the first to wait, cuz I'll meet her at a certain place
when I see that perfect face, I'll know its been worth the chase
man can't match the work of fate, acting straight
she comes just after eight, wearing mascara the blackest shade
masquerading the fact shes playing she jacks that spade in
a fast sensation hits my heart like a laceration"

^very effective and keeps the reader intrigued into the story. I like the flow of the piece and the way you lined it all together, it was touching from time to time, had a soft mellow feel for the most part. concept was on point.

"I could be more David and less stern, even your presence is inspiring
you're the only women I know who sits higher than a king
put her in any circumstance, and she will make it through
you might swing both ways, I'm still always straight with you"

^first bar was phat, set up line for bar 2 nice, lmao @ the last line, kinda laughed a lil, not sure it was intended to be funny so sorry if i offened you in that matter, just chuckled a tad on the last line.

Overall this was an enjoyable read. I hope to see more like this from you. keep at it...1

That's not even fair. I read it through the first time and I was impressed with the multi's and the story telling ability but I was wondering what the deal was with some of the word/phrase choices and then when I saw the spoiler I had to read it again and then shake my head in disgust cuz that just makes some of those lines that much better. I'm working to get on this kinda level but I got a long way to go but keep droppin' bro cuz this was legit.

JJunior77 wrote:That's not even fair. I read it through the first time and I was impressed with the multi's and the story telling ability but I was wondering what the deal was with some of the word/phrase choices and then when I saw the spoiler I had to read it again and then shake my head in disgust cuz that just makes some of those lines that much better. I'm working to get on this kinda level but I got a long way to go but keep droppin' bro cuz this was legit.

Thank you for the feedback. That was the exact point, and if I accomplished that even remotely, I'm happy.

VERY COOL CONCEPT...defo original. don't see drops like this on here very often.

likes riggs said ... flow was on point ... and the storyline you followed to a tee!


props on this one doogggy! return the feed if you don't mind

bump

Quix wrote:VERY COOL CONCEPT...defo original. don't see drops like this on here very often.

likes riggs said ... flow was on point ... and the storyline you followed to a tee!


props on this one doogggy! return the feed if you don't mind

bump

Already did earlier, thanks for the feed.

This was purdy cool I'm diggin' the vibe
errythin' was crisp on this piece really weaved together nicely....keep writing my dude
diggin' your work still

This Was Dope yo .. Your def Showing Growth As a Writer.
i Like The Concept, you Wrote the Whole Thing Real Good..
The Piece Was Solid, ill.

Lmao that was dope i like how you used metaphors of different tyes of women in each verse for the ace of spades one was like a jumpoff and one was wife material lol

u definetly upped ur game since the last time i actually sat an read somethin from u. i was fooled by the title as im sure many were lol gooodd fuckin choice of concept. im glad ur still droppin,keep at it man

an peep my track in the chamber if u cud id apperciate it

Man dude, you must be a reall ladies man.. this was dope dude.. Im not into text but this was a good read.. it would be nice if you could audio this to a nice smooth jam you know... but over all.. good Drop.

I'm feeling the first one.