Hip Hop Forum

I got a story about...

the realest, wittiest kid denied and dismissed by his city
but the illest lyricist this side of the Mississippi
supplied with sick lines and slick rhymes a plenty
'BIC' mind, spittin' fire, kid knew he was winnin'
to view you'd be squintin' when he released a noun-tandem
cuz to understand you have to be out-standin'
like starin at the moon covering up the sun
his passion consumed and eclipsed the number one
crowds he could move with just the tip of his tongue
so he vowed to prove that with his gift he would stun
like the British are coming, lyrics he released were 'Revered'
so he quickly appeared, lifted clear above peers
veered from fears of decling and disappointed loss
to claiming his pen was divine just to get his point a'Cross'

Act II
Rhymes surged in his brain, like blood pulsin' through veins
& lines purged from his frame, flooded holes in the game
told that his goal was insane...unattainable
his soul like coals was inflamed, a veritable volcano...of frustration
his patience waning and determination straining
an indication of pain in every phrases creation
The only consideration, for these raps he conceived
was that his practice was inadequate so feedback he received
was like..."your concepts & content complex? nonsense
you got the wrong tense & consonants and consequently false confidence"

i fucks wit u homie, that shit was dope. stay up and doin ur thing.

peep my lesson learned and let me know wat u think

I liked the closer JJ "veered from fears of decling and disappointed loss
to claiming his pen was divine just to get his point a'Cross'" -- nice boy!

Thanks for the feedback yall. I added a second part to it and the rhyme scheme is a little different from what I normally do so let me know what you think/

the realest, wittiest kid denied and dismissed by his city
but the illest lyricist this side of the Mississippi
supplied with sick lines and slick rhymes a plenty


in my opinion you dumbed down the soldiness with The BIC.
Everybody does it Sometimes.. But thats played..

'BIC' mind, spittin' fire, kid knew he was winnin'
to view you'd be squintin' when he released a noun-tandem

cuz to understand you have to be out-standin'
like starin at the moon covering up the sun
his passion consumed and eclipsed the number one


this was Cool .. Feel Like you Could of Replaced these 3 lines with three stronger ones just cause i've seen your Potential ..



crowds he could move with just the tip of his tongue
so he vowed to prove that with his gift he would stun
like the British are coming, lyrics he released were 'Revered'
so he quickly appeared, lifted clear above peers
veered from fears of decling and disappointed loss
to claiming his pen was divine just to get his point a'Cross'

This was cool.
Liked the first bar the most,



Rhymes surged in his brain, like blood pulsin' through veins
& lines purged from his frame, flooded holes in the game
told that his goal was insane...unattainable
his soul like coals was inflamed, a veritable volcano...of frustration
his patience waning and determination straining
an indication of pain in every phrases creation
The only consideration, for these raps he conceived
was that his practice was inadequate so feedback he received
was like..."your concepts & content complex? nonsense
you got the wrong tense & consonants and consequently false confidence"


Killed This Shit. Period.


Good Shit ..

The Second One was just Tough,

Stay Up N Keep Droppin

"was like..."your concepts & content complex? nonsense
you got the wrong tense & consonants and consequently false confidence""
^sick closer

overall i enjoyed the whole piece, but damn, just finished it up mad nice at the end with the rhyme scheme haha, nice drop.

I wouldn't say that my level is that high, but if you keep writing like this, you will surpass me in no time.

The second verse shows your mechanical skills while the first demonstrates your metaphorical side.

I thought this was good, you keep getting better.

Good looking on leaving feed on my verse.

I was feeling Act II...but Act I had it's standouts

I really can't....fluck it

his passion consumed and eclipsed the number one
crowds he could move with just the tip of his tongue
so he vowed to prove that with his gift he would stun

I felt that! LoL! either way this was purdy dope
can't wait for more...keep writing!

i will cosign wid plex!!! lol

Thanks for the feed yall. Anyone else?