Hip Hop Forum

dammit examine the damage is evident,
can it the bandit'll ravage the element,
how u speak wisodom wit average intelligence,
ima king how u gonna challenge benevolence,
so its #1 i am as i stand on the podium,
now u salty, what comes from a man filled wit sodium,
nothin, that means its not healthy fuckin wit me guy,
u need somethin like 3 guys cuz ur nothin to V.I.,
u can have 2 bars but its still equal to one line,
my rhymes kick hard their the sequal to punchlines,
so till next time

this was ill man i liked the whole piece dopeness

the opener kill it though that shit was bonkers nice drop
sym

the opening was nice, great wordplay a lil forced but still good, but by time it hit sodium it fell apart, you kept it together lyrically but not aswell as the beginning. keep droppin

Nice drop u def still got it dawg was short but i enjoyed reading it

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

"dammit examine the damage is evident,
can it the bandit'll ravage the element,
how u speak wisodom wit average intelligence,
ima king how u gonna challenge benevolence,"


SLICK!!!
Nice homie.
Short and sweet!
Great wordplay here.

thanx for the feed guys!

It seems to me that this was a very simplistic few bar drop. A rough draft at best. Apart from your various spelling errors it seemed that your rhyme scheme was simply single syllable. Which in the hip hop world is judged more harshly by underground than mainstream.
The positive that is pulled from this diatribe is the fact that you seem to be searching for verboseness. However inaccurate the words are used in the sentence structure does not take away from the fact that the need to use them is there.


weird

Weird Sense wrote:It seems to me that this was a very simplistic few bar drop. A rough draft at best. Apart from your various spelling errors it seemed that your rhyme scheme was simply single syllable. Which in the hip hop world is judged more harshly by underground than mainstream.
The positive that is pulled from this diatribe is the fact that you seem to be searching for verboseness. However inaccurate the words are used in the sentence structure does not take away from the fact that the need to use them is there.


weird

... Hell I liked this reply about as much as I liked the verse... hehe.

"how u speak wisodom wit average intelligence,
ima king how u gonna challenge benevolence"

I like the style you're trying to create, you had some coo multis but there wasn't really a steady flow in the drop and the punch you threw in at the end was the highlight for me. Just work on not making so many filler lines to keep a scheme goin cuz it makes the whole bar look forced and don't sacrifice flow and structure for ya multis. Keep it up though homie you got some potential.

dammit examine the damage is evident,
can it the bandit'll ravage the element,
how u speak wisodom wit average intelligence,
ima king how u gonna challenge benevolence

best part by far dude!!



uppin!

yeaaa shit was pretty dope but short, feelin tha vocab n rhymez tha most!