Hip Hop Forum

This is a verse written to drake's closer to my dreams instrumental, not my most lyrical but a lot of it is straight from the heart, feed is appreciated and will be returned.

Yo i was prolly bout twelve
thats when the liquor started grab the bottle of the shelf
i got a taste for this trouble makein' problems for myself
it probly doesnt help when your parents aint around
i bet theyll all miss me when its clear im fadein out
switch gears im changin routes, my state of mind flipped
i just took what i could if it gave me my fix
and when we split, shit yo thats when depression hits
so i need this by my side like its better than a bitch
is it ever gunna switch? no i always be the same
some shit in my brain isnt ever gonna change
yo they question if im sane.. and my replys no
im in this fast lane and i aint tryna drive slow
i blow these trees a little more than i should
but you cant fill my shoes or the void where i stood
id bring joy if could, instead of all the stress
but the sess, the only way my head could ever rest
ima mess, yep the kid who never gets to class
so now the teachers ask "how do you expect to pass?
your never on time, its an everyday joke
you never take notes always zonin on some dumb shit
somehow you dont study, show up stoned and get a hundred?
i know your not cheatin, each exam i try to catch you
i think i understand why your family doesnt get you"
well.. to be honest i been tryna put the weed down
maryjanes my baby but i told ima leave now
said dont hold ya breath, i was back before breathe out
the stress is my test so i guess its time to reroute
"just blaze when you write," yea right this is me now
the way i get high, i dont think you could believe how
fly(adlib but its part of the beat)... yea how fly that i am
when im high wit my pen every line is a gem
i got my eyes on the prize that i been tryin to win
ima make good music, you could ride in that benz
i dont really need fame i just want you to feel me
thats why every track im just givin you the real me
flow is raw talent wit no gimmicks to appeal me
the sky is limit so we drillin through the ceilin'....
.... yea but dealin's so appealin
spend every minute chillin writin lyrics bout the feelin
.. i miss it yea stackin chips like the man
but then you cant stand after shit hits the fan
i made switch to the plan, im challengin' myself
my aims to make a livin', turn a talent into wealth
hol up for a minute, let me take that back
you'll never see me paid off a fake ass track
thats wack, im here to make it clearer in this verse
im sayin fuck the bullshit put lyricism first
if they hate let em hate theyll be feelin it the worst
wont give up on my dreams til im chillin in a herse

True, not your most lyrical piece, but I still felt it. Still had some decent multies in there and I dug the school shit.

thats wack, im here to make it clearer in this verse
im sayin fuck the bullshit put lyricism first
if they hate let em hate theyll be feelin it the worst
wont give up on my dreams til im chillin in a herse

^^ That sums it all up, man. Nice shit. Love the rhyme scheme.

Not really too complex like you said, but I felt it, and it was straight to the point, which gave me the impression of radio friendly emotional piece. No real favorite lines in my opinion because it all tied in nicely, the flow was there, and there weren't THAT many fillers, still had some though, but almost every piece has 'em, but you did a nice job of avoiding a cluster fuck of 'em. Keep it up.

Ruckus wrote:True, not your most lyrical piece, but I still felt it. Still had some decent multies in there and I dug the school shit.

thats wack, im here to make it clearer in this verse
im sayin fuck the bullshit put lyricism first
if they hate let em hate theyll be feelin it the worst
wont give up on my dreams til im chillin in a herse

^^ That sums it all up, man. Nice shit. Love the rhyme scheme.

I agree with this quote
a nice piece nonetheless I'm feeling the vibe
keep writing!

i like this thing most cuz it seams like tru story telling
imo that is what its count ,like real rap things when i started to listen rap

well.. to be honest i been tryna put the weed down
maryjanes my baby but i told ima leave now
said dont hold ya breath, i was back before breathe out
the stress is my test so i guess its time to reroute
"just blaze when you write," yea right this is me now
the way i get high, i dont think you could believe how

yea how fly that i am
when im high wit my pen every line is a gem
i got my eyes on the prize that i been tryin to win
ima make good music, you could ride in that benz
i dont really need fame i just want you to feel me
thats why every track im just givin you the real me
flow is raw talent wit no gimmicks to appeal me
the sky is limit so we drillin through the ceilin'....


this two parts is what i liked most..

nice writings