Hip Hop Forum

Why are things never what they seem, i rather lay asleep one of those perfect dreams
Something bout her rest within mind
Shes the only thing to vision once i shut my eyes
I feel happiness and missery both the same time some more green just to free the mind
All day big high big fried dumb but same time realize ill never be want i want
And knowing that imma do just what i want.

Here i go again reminisceing sitting waiting wishing
One day my thoughts get out so people can listen
On beats
No one now but soon people will know me
Through these words i speak all heart held moments of past times, rearranged into these thought out rymes of poetry
But for now i wonder if if time will tell what comes of me this weed, mushrooms, help me see the light, of Gods dark some call a plan of life...

if you dont like it i know im diffrent dont hate. if you dig it i need beats.Plenty more poetry where that come from

cute

thanks

thanks for some positive will keep in mind the negative didnt add sturcutre just a quick spit off top

I don't get why people can't type in a good structure... I drop a lot of shit quickly, it isn't hard to hit the ENTER key after your rhymes. The flow was all over the place, the vocab was basic. There were like two multies which I'm assuming were accidental anyways. Like TOYH pointed out, the subject matter was a mixed bag of totally unrelated topics. I really don't know what you were trying to get across here. It almost sounds like you were trying to come off as "deep", but came off as random. Poetry just isn't a mish-mash of words and phrases, its the artform of converting emotions, concepts and ideas into a literary form in a such a way that others can feel what you're feeling. I don't hate, I say what others think but don't always say.

I'm not really into the poetical steez, it seems like
you're fairly new to writing, yet I see potential.
the structure was a lil sloppy, but with more time
you'll develop that later, but if it's real shit
that came from the heart than it's impossible to
hate on, homie, just keep doin you, stay writing
and improving.