Hip Hop Forum

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...Many questions in my head, as my thoughts occur
I have my eyes wide shut, Im seein dots n blurs
seein a teddy bear she cradles that he bought for her
I've lately got this aching feeling that I'm not for her
Lost for words im guessing what is lost is learned
now I try to wash the numbness as the faucet burns
In bed, I "toss and turn" ..similar to how a pizza's made
I'm fiendin for a fixture I should reach the blade..
It woulnt need tirades if I sat in silence tryna eat grenades
Should I be afraid? of the temptations that she displays?
Deceit, dismay, defeat, betrayed, all this in repeat then play
I would run my feet away until the streets would fade
Just to beat the pain.. Its hard to go but theres no ease to stay
Jealousy i see him in the greener shade of deeper jade,
I guess the fee's been paid, I suffer now for my actions then
You still have to spend cuz it's still your fault in an accident,
This is my cast and mend from what the past presents,
I can't act, pretend, or cover it up and mask the dents
My thoughts are just a track event, running till my back is bent
Lacking sense.. fuck it this is how I just get mad and vent..

dope

the multies the emotion everything the flow especially the dismay line was great mayne this is one of the best pieces ever IMO very very nice mayne

This was deep. Nice emotion. Flow was spot on. Pretty raw, good to see you dropping somewhere outside of battling.

thank you for the feed.

uppin

Ruckus wrote:This was deep. Nice emotion. Flow was spot on. Pretty raw, good to see you dropping somewhere outside of battling.

Co Sign.

.Many questions in my head, as my thoughts occur
I have my eyes wide shut, Im seein dots n blurs
seein a teddy bear she cradles that he bought for her
I've lately got this aching feeling that I'm not for her
Lost for words im guessing what is lost is learned
now I try to wash the numbness as the faucet burns

Everything Up to Faucet Burns was Nice.

In bed, I "toss and turn" ..similar to how a pizza's made
I'm fiendin for a fixture I should reach the blade..

No.

It woulnt need tirades if I sat in silence tryna eat grenades
Should I be afraid? of the temptations that she displays?
Deceit, dismay, defeat, betrayed, all this in repeat then play
I would run my feet away until the streets would fade
Just to beat the pain.. Its hard to go but theres no ease to stay

Raw.

Jealousy i see him in the greener shade of deeper jade,
I guess the fee's been paid, I suffer now for my actions then
You still have to spend cuz it's still your fault in an accident,
This is my cast and mend from what the past presents,
I can't act, pretend, or cover it up and mask the dents
My thoughts are just a track event, running till my back is bent
Lacking sense.. fuck it this is how I just get mad and vent..

Good Ending ..

Good shit Keep droppin.

thanks

upped

Arvincible:


...Many questions in my head, as my thoughts occur
I have my eyes wide shut, Im seein dots n blurs
seein a teddy bear she cradles that he bought for her
I've lately got this aching feeling that I'm not for her
Lost for words im guessing what is lost is learned
now I try to wash the numbness as the faucet burns
Sick Shiit...Feelin it
In bed, I "toss and turn" ..similar to how a pizza's made
I'm fiendin for a fixture I should reach the blade..
It woulnt need tirades if I sat in silence tryna eat grenades
Ill Fuckin Line..
Should I be afraid? of the temptations that she displays?
Deceit, dismay, defeat, betrayed, all this in repeat then play
I would run my feet away until the streets would fade
Just to beat the pain.. Its hard to go but theres no ease to stay
Jealousy i see him in the greener shade of deeper jade,
Nice..
I guess the fee's been paid, I suffer now for my actions then
You still have to spend cuz it's still your fault in an accident,
This is my cast and mend from what the past presents,
I can't act, pretend, or cover it up and mask the dents
My thoughts are just a track event, running till my back is bent
Lacking sense.. fuck it this is how I just get mad and vent..
Sick Closer...Whole Thing Was Fire!





10/10 Drop right here. I was feelin it in all cats..good shit arv im feelin ya style man i haven't really seen alot from ya..but this was ill

I thought I peeped this...hmmm snuck it by me ehhh?

either way this was a dope peice feeling the vibe and the content

Just to beat the pain.. Its hard to go but theres no ease to stay
Jealousy i see him in the greener shade of deeper jade,
I guess the fee's been paid, I suffer now for my actions then
You still have to spend cuz it's still your fault in an accident
^^^^That was dope tho' really feeling that line cuz it makes sense to me, keep writing!

thanks man lol

upped

Nice one,pretty raw but a good feeling added into it... i don't necessarily look for skill into a verse like this that's why i won't give examples of multies and creativity.

you put feeling into it and it made me feel what you said... you hit spot on! good job!

10/10

very nice i enjoyed reading this, very emotional good job

This is my most solid written imo.. hopefully i get more indept feedback on it.

a good drop, wit a topic which is out there to be interperated. the wordin was mostly good, and the rhyming was solid. the only line i never liked was the pizza line, because it seemed to add some symbolism which wassnt really relevent to the drop, despite d metaphor. good little drop, athough dat picture it wierd lol

Very deep bro, I loved your multi's and how you can pack so much detail into a small piece of work. Sweet!