Hip Hop Forum

Posted: **Wed Nov 18, 2009 10:36 am**

They say the past is what we overcome
the world today is a present holdin' us
so I'm loved in the mind of open lust
where all I can think of is broken trust
I'ma chill, kick back, feelin' folded up
a lawn chair while the dawn here closes up
I feel pressured into changin' who my soul once was
I'm pushing my limits
plus I ain't seen a good relationship in a minute
so I figured "God help me recreate my image"
to no reply I sat in a room staring at faded pictures
saying why can't I make music and tell my story
I befell my glory myself with each penstroke
I couldn't let go I couldn't move on, my head's low
"please God bless those who don't help or support me"
I subside, I try not to sweat it like a sports tee
it's a usual feeling somedays I don't feel like feeling
only cuz my pride feels like it's too bottled in
and I don't even wanna swallow it
shit...what do you think if errythin' got polishin'
we'd be high off life AND perfection
if I ain't perfect I'ma resurrection
Hip Hop's soul child with actions differ'd
my lifes going downhill, a emotional twister
I ain't countin' figures, surrounded by groupies
fluck's goin' on with Hip Hop? am I unworthy?
don't let the world come at me like whose he?
I'm just tryna give you all of me like dude from Jersey
shit...I don't know no more

Posted: **Thu Nov 19, 2009 2:21 am**

qwarterzone wrote:They say the past is what we overcome
the world today is a present holdin' us
so I'm loved in the mind of open lust
where all I can think of is broken trust
I'ma chill, kick back, feelin' folded up
a lawn chair while the dawn here closes up
I feel pressured into changin' who my soul once was

Nice man. Good inner rhymes.

I'm pushing my limits
plus I ain't seen a good relationship in a minute
so I figured "God help me recreate my image"
to no reply I sat in a room staring at faded pictures
saying why can't I make music and tell my story
I befell my glory myself with each penstroke
I couldn't let go I couldn't move on, my head's low

Pretty decent. Good visuals.

"please God bless those who don't help or support me"
I subside, I try not to sweat it like a sports tee
it's a usual feeling somedays I don't feel like feeling
only cuz my pride feels like it's too bottled in
and I don't even wanna swallow it

I always like this metaphor. Though it is a bit played.

shit...what do you think if errythin' got polishin'
we'd be high off life AND perfection
if I ain't perfect I'ma resurrection
Hip Hop's soul child with actions differ'd
my lifes going downhill, a emotional twister
I ain't countin' figures, surrounded by groupies
fluck's goin' on with Hip Hop? am I unworthy?
don't let the world come at me like whose he?
I'm just tryna give you all of me like dude from Jersey
shit...I don't know no more

I don't know. 50/50

I could feel the emotion in this piece. You didn't come off as angry as you should of. I mean that last bar is symbolic of the level of pain you conveyed. I thought this was strong, nevertheless, in most aspects.

8/10

Keep dropping. I'll definitely read more.

Posted: **Thu Nov 26, 2009 11:25 am**

This was a pretty decent drop. I think you def captured the mood of a confused soul. It flowed nicely from the start but the rhyme seemed to just hit a wall here:

I feel pressured into changin' who my soul once was
I'm pushing my limits
plus I ain't seen a good relationship in a minute

From there it kind of faded for me. It came off kinda like you were just sitting down writing whatever came to your mind, which is cool. That makes the title more relevant.

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