Hip Hop Forum

This is some shit I wrote on my first deployment, 4-5 years ago. Haze, you might remember this, I posted it on canibusworld I believe. Anyways, enjoy!

Wearable pride, they swear to live terrible lives/
The peril inside is of an incomparable size/
Carousel rides between home and away/
Hopin to stay so the love isn't broken or frayed/
A token of faith, kisses from spouses and kids/
How can he fix a situation when thousands exist/
Doubt is the brick that's keepin the marraige solid/
He senses cheating but its something he doesn't dare acknowledge/
So he writes everyday, calls when he has a chance/
At a glance appears happy but deep down he's a battered man/
Spends his days thinking of the times that they've had together/
Sad as ever when he pictures life as if he hadn't met her/
The crappy weather makes the depression even harder/
Slowly dying inside, convinced he doesn't need his armor/
A bleeding martyr, he never seemed lethargic/
Put a bullet through his heart to finish what she had started/

Awaken by bright lights, he slowly opens his eyes/
No one in sight, now the fear is growing inside/
He looks around the room but doesn't know the place/
Tries to sit up but there's no movement below his waist/
No escape from this hell, a nurse rushes to his aid/
Such a foolish fate to have to suffer to his grave/
Flustered through her ways, he should've just let her walk/
Accept the loss, he would have been better off/
Yet she's at his bedside pretending that she still loves him/
Guilt floods them but there's no mending for her ill husband/
Built trust and crushed it with the lust she can't control/
Her legs are strong, but it wasn't enough to clamp them closed/
He can't condone her actions, wishing he could get revenge/
Every spent breath he vents reaks of a deadly scent/
Let's be friends but she'll never keep her promises/
She's on her death bed, the test said HIV positive/

the ending had an awesome delivery to it

i loved the first verse though shit was smooth as hell as far as multis, flow, and diction.

good shiiiit ruck, your deffo an ill writer.

borderlands really is sick too haha

idk man i couple parts did look familiar but either way yo this shit is sick, like sometimes when i read texts i have to force myself to read the whole thing, its never that way with you, i dont even have to say it u know your flows there and i like the concept of this one dude good shit

this was deep, the whole thing worked perfectly, no over complication tryin to force wordplay or multies, the flow was perfect the wordplay was nice too many good aspects ill be here all day writing about it lol

That beginning was sick!!!

I'm feeling that carousel ish...think I'ma have to use that
LoL! otherwise this was very dope too many quotables
keep writing my dude I'm feeling the work!

Wearable pride, they swear to live terrible lives/
The peril inside is of an incomparable size/
Carousel rides between home and away/
Hopin to stay so the love isn't broken or frayed/
A token of faith, kisses from spouses and kids/
How can he fix a situation when thousands exist/
Doubt is the brick that's keepin the marraige solid/
He senses cheating but its something he doesn't dare acknowledge/


WHOOOOOOOOOOOO! ... Dare Acknowledge!, Thats wats good.. i feel You
Solid as Hell to That Line, Good multis, Meaning there, truth there


So he writes everyday, calls when he has a chance/
At a glance appears happy but deep down he's a battered man/
Spends his days thinking of the times that they've had together/
Sad as ever when he pictures life as if he hadn't met her/

Word .. This shit is just hot yo, it's Real i Feel it


Her legs are strong, but it wasn't enough to clamp them closed/
He can't condone her actions, wishing he could get revenge/
Every spent breath he vents reaks of a deadly scent/
Let's be friends but she'll never keep her promises/
She's on her death bed, the test said HIV positive/


Crazy .. I Liked The Ending, Joe Budden Has a Long As Song just Like This called " Secrets" ..


Good Drop yo , Keep It Up