Hip Hop Forum

Some of the lines I'm not happy with, but for the sake of maintaining the rhyme scheme I used words that fit. As per usual constructive criticism is always welcome:

Thank-you for the hatin, you inspire more greatness
No retire, no hiatus cuz I'm tired of the fakeness
No liar, mistake less, and please don't miss-take this
but you'd have better luck trying to save an atheist
then convincing me I'm not the best ever created
I'm blessed, clever and to date I guess forever debated
No stress whatsoever, my endeavor restated
is realizing my potential, I'm rising like exponentials
My power's providential, so despise is essential
But your opinion's both trivial and inconsequential
I'ma teacher so I'll teach ya til your lesson is learned
Metaphorical-Creature so the title "MC" is earned
You'll be lost in traffic makin' emergency turns
cuz I don't spit fire I spit third-degree burns


M&M flow, words melt in my mouth
verbs need help to get out, but only verses aloud
your writing's insightful, trying to invite me to care
so i could give a fuck, but i dont like to share
i stay focused on me, I'm selfish, playing solitare
hocus pocus houdini, i dont see you like air
my eyes on the prize, the top is where i stare
So high that I'm prone to own the whole atmosphere
i play with the truth, so shrimp hope you're prepared
i'll slay Zeus on olympus and use his throne as my chair
im half man, half beast so i'm somethin like a centaur
cats scared to compete cuz i'll erase 'em like my sim card
I scare and astound, cuz i barely found my sound
write circles around you, your head's a merry-go-round
...it stays spinning like two yo's unwound,
now you're wondering how i'm so very profound
to leave you curling on the ground like Larry and Mo's pal
you're a just a circus clown or a stooge fallin' down

i got a real eminem vibe from this jus felt like he would write this

i enjoyed it man ur ryt short and sweet lol
lacked the rhyming in a few places which affected the flow but that was mainly at the start, overall a nice piece u shud add to it

that's how you use critisizm Jr... take it and relish it.. let it loose when the time comes and watch your shit improve over time.
I dug the beginning, saw a few multi's you tried to push though.. watch your syllables.. maybe easy to write, but the count is a slight bit off on a few lines..

all in all, i liked where you was goin' with it.

Riggz

Thanks for the feedback. I've updated the first post with a second part of the verse and if you could point out the places where the flow seems inconsistent that would be greatly appreciated.

read it quickly its nice man i will give u a fullbreakdown wen i get 2 my mates fam
but its nice man

This was purdy dope man
I'm feeling the vibe reminds me of me when I kept getting criticized
then I figured stepping out the box would be better
after I did that suddenly it became cool and people were like this is what we need to do
and I'm like I been on that shit
but now it's cool?
so that's where some of my emotions go
not as much anymore but it could
either way keep writing my dude