Hip Hop Forum

My flow's like a slide show
Recite rows like two guide boats
My lines known to be novel,
they're not just side-notes
Hide yo rhymes cuz mine ride slow
in 8 shots they'll die-slow
sick of fake and lie-flows
mine let yours lie on the floor
you sigh cuz i gloat, i sigh cuz i glow
decided to be a pro, now i'm rising like dough
it's surprising i know, just appoint me the Prince
His Highness of flows, ignoring the peasants
Pleasantly I reside in my castle of rhymes
Fight battles with lines, lasso rival minds
but I'm taking no prisoners, eat fools as my dinner
but now like a bear in the middle of winter,
my stool's a bit thinner, I'ma school these beginners,
Got the tools of a winner, a duel/dual threat when they enter,
flip words back to sender, sharper than a lead spur
or deliver new verbs like you ordered from Webster
Young poindexter, I'm so educated
Fiscally seeking, you're dough motivated
Statistically speaking, that's so overrated
When it comes to these rhymes I'm so dedicated
a class-act by design, I'm so-phisticated
when time after time my greatness is debated
Writing and rhyming's like breathing and dreaming
Automatic, believe me, I do it while sleeping
obscenely obsessed with being the best
ahead of the rest, cuz i'm acing the test
been said to be blessed, there is no contest
i detest no success and so loss I neglect

{now the beats scared cuz it knows that I'm here
while its quiverin in fear, i attack from the rear
i dont shed a tear, as i slice and i slash
the beat's diced and its gashed like mice in a trap
it tries to fight back, the beat pulls at my soul
but i'm in control, and i never let go
now its damaged with holes, i accomplished my goal
the beat crumbles and folds as i go and find more}

Beat was quick I'm faster, it was nearly an upset
but now I got a Pastor saying Dearly Beloved
we are gathered here today, around this beat's grave
to mourn the fact that this track has reached the end of its days
I hope it was saved, it was slain without mercy
the verdict is in and i've talked to the jury
the mercenary at fault, attacked without warning
and scornfully beat the track from night until morning
...its abhorring, i attack out of boredom
i leave tracks in my wake, even when snoring
so if you don't here from me, just know in your mind
that i'm out killing every single beat that i find

well my man, i'm a newbie like you.. but I'd limit this to 8-12 bars max... I got through the first 6, scrolled down and saw I had a whole song ahead of me.. and decided to stop with what I already saw. The flow is there, like I can ride it to "the Way I am"... but i felt most of the words were fillers.. like twinkies.

Keep postin' my man.. just shorten it. save some for later.

I'll admit that the beginning isn't really saying anything, but once you get past that first 8 lines it gets better. But I understand that length is a problem and since you're the only that's responded I'll assume it's a significant problem and in the future I'll be sure to fix that. Preciate it bro.