Hip Hop Forum

I'ma target, I am the knife, the arrowhead
I am heartless I bear no life where the barrell rests
I care no less, I care no more, I am the evil
I am the eagle, I am the hawk I am pushed to see you
I am pushed to find you I am sick but I won't heal you
they seal me, then hurt me, they drop me but conceal me
thoughts is easily deprived, maybe you seein' me tonight
maybe you seein' the light, maybe you beatin' in like
beatin' in like, a thief in the night...thievin' ur ice
stealin' your life, easin' in like salt on seasonin' or I...
follow like a menace, take your wisdom just like a dentist
you can't get by the indents...you lose your mind in a sentence
lose your heart in a paragraph, introduce the flatlines
shook soda on a bad ride, you could wake up on the bad side
wake up on the wrong side, buried in the heat in the wrong tie
I am all lies, but at the same time I could be alright
if you want a problem, look for scholastics up in the garden
try to get Eve in I'll split a Atom n you could find pardon
you can learn mistakes, you could earn the dish then the cake
you could get the intake, but the only growth you get is in weight
errythin' else is hate, errythin else is stupid in my mind
I don't care what's in my lines, I don't care whats in his lines
you wanna be me, you wanna see me, but you can't see errythin' thats in black
I paint a picture, get abstract, then go to sleep on the frame....n that's that?
blackout...

This drop was decent. Opened up with some nice rhyme schemes. The flow was pretty consistent and didn't seem to fall off. You had some good multies in some areas, but I think the drop would benefit from more. Overall, pretty nice, but you can always improve.

qwarterzone wrote: follow like a menace, take your wisdom just like a dentist
you can't get by the indents...you lose your mind in a sentence

This part stood out to me, I dunno why but I liked the way it was worded and the image I got. Overall it was enjoyable, but it's hard for me to have the same rhythm when I read it as you intended I think because some of the lines didn't seem to flow all together. Good drop though.

qwarterzone wrote:I'ma target, I am the knife, the arrowhead
I am heartless I bear no life where the barrell rests
I care no less, I care no more, I am the evil
I am the eagle,

or I...
follow like a menace, take your wisdom just like a dentist
you can't get by the indents...you lose your mind in a sentence
...

Dude, i'm feelin this. Like I can hear this in spoken word cypher... the wisdom part was ingenious...
nice man.

honestly it's funny
cuz the reoccurance of fave lines changes
I have been known to get a applause offa the atom/adam thing?
either way I guess when you look at it from different perspectives it captivates a different sense
at which point I agree it is a aight piece of work
otherwise I will drop another...written

this is decent man , some people have already highlighted the quoteables but basically i feel like you just need to improve or polish certain areas, your flow is a lil choppy in certain spots and like with the wordplay and such i think u could reword some things either way good shit man stick around

this is nice fam, very poetic at the start, infact the start, the way u was formulating ur rhymes, was poetry.
fow got a bit choppy in places but a bit of editing eases that straight away
overall a nice piece n i look forward to reading more man