Hip Hop Forum

aigh.

8 bars [16 lines]

First to 5 : 3-0 KO : Only explained votes accepted : No dickriding votes

topic: PICK ONE : Plane crash on a city street or Solatire confinement

just lemme know which topic you picked.

drop your verse.

check , I picked the solitary confinement.

I was framed like im a picture , ripped outta life like im page from the scriptures//
That woman , I shouldnt have nicked her , ever since then my life was strictured//
Locked in this cell like Im some beast, forever stuck in here never to be released//
Cant even have some good food at least , this was definetly where i would be deceased//
For once I started givin a fuck who god is , my vision was surprisingly spotless//
Decided to get rid of that drug bizz , with a revision of all the times i was thoughtless//
Accepted my fore-planned fate , but that night for some reason i stayed up late//
Everythin shiverin is it an earthquake? ceilin crashin down and as the bars break//
I take a look around as the prison shakes ,"fuck that jesus clown" I run out for my life's sake//
Shit was never that easy the alarm goes on , my legs start to hurt and im all worn//
I take a look back I see a fuckin plane torn , half buried like a halfway out newborn//
I blur out hearin women and children scream , thinkin about death and broken dreams//
But It was just too late for a change of scheme , and my heart was just too rough it would seem//
So i watch the airplane half split like a pen , and I think man i aint going through that pity shit again//
Im going to hell anyways its a matter of when , so just why would care right now if i sin//
I turn around in cold blood and somethin would grind , through my back painfull feelin i cant define //
Im lookin up watchin three cops lockin my hands up while im on my behind, and i wish at that moment i could just rewind//

got caught witta pound-&-a-chopper, now im surround-by-coppers..looks like my lucks-up,
though i found god but it sounds like i forgot-em and now it seems-that-im-stuck...
i was deemed-2-b-fucked...now i can be found ina regal-then-a-bus,
on the path to the penitentiary praying these people wont eat-me-up..
i breath-&-i-cuss...CO threw me....ina cold-damp-cell,
gave me 'flashlight treatment', face started bleedin, and my eyes-swell...
its a living hell...being cages constantly like common critters,
im white so ima cracker, mexicans are spic ks, & blacks are nig gers..
i have much-more-tha-jitters...all-day i stay alone-with-my-thoughts,
cursin my actions havin psychotic reaction..man have-i-fell-off..
is this some-kinda-sport?...im trying to survive just to spite-the-guards,
praying for death, but at that same time hopin for time-on-the-yard..
my timing is off...dont know and dont care....what day-it-is,
hate confinement, at the same-time-if i hit population, prolly-wont-live..
dont wanna feel-a-shiv...trying to shake-off these violent-urges,
im way past discourages..cant make the block bleed cuz i dont know where the earth-is...
the pain-is-emergin..i take deep breathes and try to accept-my-fate,
fuck everyone, im living my life tortured...so i learn to accept-the-hate...


votes please

creativity: Subsist
Clarity: 8'th
metaphors/similies: 8'th
multis: 8'th
concept: subsist (lol at the plane)
originality: both
Ending: Subsist
Writing/story telling: 8'th
Wordplay: 8'th

I tried to pick some good cats for a topical battle.

Both of you were impressive. I just got lost somewhere within subsists plane. If he wasn't limited to such a narrow topic. he probably would have had a better shot.

Overall: 8'th

Nice battle. Uppin for more.

hmmm, one of the more interesting battles lately, i like the cats plex used ill use the same ones..

creativity: Subsist, he had more imagination
clarity:Subsist (i followed his easier for somereason, might have been the fact there were less multies)
mettaphores similies:8th
concept: Subsist had a more abstract view
originality: i agree with plex, both
ending: Subsist, his verse seems like a bad dream, then his ending makes it more like reality
writing storytelling:8th
wordplay:8th
multies:8th, he had more multies, even tho some of his syllable counts were off, and some words were needlessly dashed
entertainment: Subsist

overall, i enjoyed subsists verse more, so my vote is subsist, great verses from both tho, it was a good read

o.....k.....

1-1

UP

creativity: Subsist, he had more of a vision of what he wanted to d
clarity:Subsist I followed this a bit more due to the needless dashes in 8ths verse
metaphores similies:8th
concept: Subsist was a bit more abstract
originality: both
ending: Subsist
writing storytelling:8th
wordplay:8th
multies:8th once again needless dashes but still had more
entertainment: Subsist he held my concentration a bit more and didn't use needless dashes

Overall:Subsist

1-2

this has been up for damn near a week. WTF

WE NEED VOTES

creativity: Subsist
metaphores similies:8th
concept: Sub
ending:Sub
writing:8th
wordplay:8th
multies:8th
entertainment:sub

overall:subsist
good battle tho

creativity - Subsist
clarity - Subsist
metaphores similies - 8th
concept - Subsist
ending - Subsist
writing storytelling - 8th
wordplay - 8th
multies - 8th
entertainment - Subsist

Overall - Subsist

I didn't bother to put "Originalty" because both was even but good battle

LOL

1-4 i guess

One more vote for subsist and battle is over or 4 more vote for 8th and battle is over

your very preseptive

structure:subsist
flow:subsist
multis:8th
creativity:subsist
vocabulary:subsist
entertainment:subsist

overall:subsist(it was alot more understandable and overall was a better story, better ending as well)