Hip Hop Forum

from my last written, I think this is a good improvement, feedback please !

a vision in my mind, sometimes it feels as if it's all predecided
you gotta ride the wave, look for prospects to confide in, living beside trauma and bloodshed
as i dig deeper through the shadows, filled with life time regrets, through the tunnel im led, i observe my reflection, not the sorta kid looking for over attention
from a young age an introvert, avoiding troubles that occured, I observed my surroundings, gotta work with what i got,
eased the pain of my past through the skunk crop, not the sort of kid to boast,
personal gain was preferred, I exceeded most, as i built my confidence i learnt
not to believe the masses, conforming to the norm wasn't something i practiced
i'd rather spread my belief, over beats, blessing it through rhymes that i speak
for those who respect and perceive, this is raw unrehearsed english from my mind to my pen i bleed
and for those who resent, i'm just questioning how long can you keep up the act you pretend
as times look bleak in the horizon, i stand up triumphant like thor with his trident
ready to demonstrate, through red eyes i meditate, reaching my equilibrium, seperating the truth from the fakes
my mindstate is militant, building solliloquys, through syllables
absorbing the minerals, wordplay so fresh, i make shallow speakers feel pitiful
to my life my rhymes are reciprocal, driven by my incentive, to build upon the collective
always looking forward, i stay reflective but im hardly reminiscant, to build on what i got is the mission
to multiply, and hop hurdles through my state of mind I invision
posessed by intoxicated dreams, to put it simply, life just aint as it seems
metaphorically, digging deeper to the core

i havent read your last drop but this flow'd well, you could have used more multis , your bars were a tad bit stretched so It fell off at some points but I always find out the gist. Over all this was an above average piece but still lacking general key elements, but elevation will take care of that god drop mane

Yeah like he said the content is i there work on the structure

the lines were mad stretched, but I give feed from an
audio structured perspective as opposed to some textcee shit.
the basic rhyming structure was also relatively simple,
but you have mad potential, the vocab was definitely present
and on point, in that aspect this shit was ill, just keep
studying the art form and work on crafting your style
you'll get there, keep elevating.