Hip Hop Forum

For all your hurt and pain, I am ya remedy
For all the guilt and shame, I am his enemy
My heart subliminally, falls when you descend from me
since you befriended me, i've felt the chemistry
Usin your-beauty
as-a-disguise
a mask full of lies, i see the pain in your eyes
Like rain in the sky or a ravishing tide
I'm like a nucleotide,
swimmin in your ocean
Ridin your waves with eternal devotion
Girl you stole my heart like a master thief
God's your artist so you know your a masterpiece
See I could learn from you and you could learn from me
And if beauty was time was time you'd be-an, eternity
And if looks could kill girl you would murder me
But to see you cry..
But to see you cry yeah it's hurtin me


Let me know what you guys think, i've been gone for awhile, this is my comeback

2Complex wrote:For all your hurt and pain, I am ya remedy
For all the guilt and shame, I am his enemy
My heart subliminally, falls when you descend from me
since you befriended me, i've felt the chemistry
Usin your-beauty
as-a-disguise
a mask full of lies, i see the pain in your eyes
Like rain in the sky or a ravishing tide
I'm like a nucleotide,
swimmin in your ocean
Ridin your waves with eternal devotion
Girl you stole my heart like a master thief
God's your artist so you know your a masterpiece
See I could learn from you and you could learn from me
And if beauty was time was time you'd be-an, eternity
And if looks could kill girl you would murder me
But to see you cry..
But to see you cry yeah it's hurtin me


Let me know what you guys think, i've been gone for awhile, this is my comeback

Much more thoughout than your other piece. I would even be willing to say that it was more lyrical.

The time/beauty metaphor was good.

Rhyme scheme was decent.

I can't give you too thorough of feedback because it was a relatively short verse.

I wouldn't say that the verse was 2complex, maybe a bit too simple.

Overall 7.5/10