Hip Hop Forum

Just a little sumthin-sumthin I threw together for my Lil one. I haven't been putting out as much material lately, so I figured I'd put this up. Just wrote it yesterday. -LYRICS-
VERSE 1:
Hey JellyBean, How you doin there!?..
Come sit next to ya daddy for a minute ova here.
There's a couple of things I wanna tell you about..
from ya grandpa with the dog, to why I'm not in the house.
Where do I start? ..the story's so long..
and I gotta wrap it up before the end of the song.
So at the top of the key, I'm gonna start with me..
tell you where your daddy's been and where he wants to be.
I stay in the studio bangin out tracks..
trying to make a name for myself and burn my name up on the map.
My street cred's solid, thats a fact..
and though I'm not signed yet, I'ma keep workin on that.
Reason I do this is cuz it's all I know..
and I got no college degree on my resume to show.
I'm hoping that maybe one day that I can blow..
so i could give you the world and we can travel the globe.

HOOK:
Gimme a moment and lend me your ear..
there's sumthin I think you should know and I want you to hear.
A reason behind the man I am..
I'ma tell you what it is, so you understand.
Only darkness that a shadow can cast..
is the one that the sun makes when it's in front of your path.
I love your smile, I love your laughs..
Do your ol' man a favor, don't you grow up too fast.

VERSE 2:
I wanna get you everything I never had..
not that I wasn't given alot, but I got more to add.
I wanna get you a college fund..
that way you have some options when the time has come.
I want you to be whatever it is you want to be..
so long as you ain't makin the same mistakes that are hauntin me.
I've done what I done, to get where I got..
and even I have moments where I hate me alot.
Which brings me to your grand-dad..
I admit that I've been stubborn over the years and I'm still mad.
I'm only tryin to defend ya ground..
protect your heart, that's why I never take you around.
Safe and sound, that's how I want you to stay..
But your grandma's right, I never should've kept you away.
You deserve to know ya grandpa..
it's just that I love you so much and I can't stop.

-HOOK REPEATS-

VERSE 3:
It was just yesterday I recall..
that you were ridin on your bike wit training wheels and all.
Tryin your hardest not to fall..
but ever since they came off...you're up, goin & gone.
You're 7 years old presently..
impressively...like me intellectually.
There's nuthin you can't learn in being the best at..
I trust that, when you make it decision it must have..
Been the one that you wanted up from the start..
...and uhh..
..been the one you believed in wit your heart.
See, you and me have alot in common..
so you can talk to me anytime you have a problem.
I'ma do my damn-dest to solve 'em!..
and if I can't then you know your mommy and grandma are on 'em.
You have alot of people that love you, it shows..
these are just a couple of things that I wanted you to know.

-HOOK REPEATS-

kurse kurse kurse,good shit man. i remember u did a song similiar to this but not as specific towards ur daughter..it was somethin like this tho cant rememebr the name. anyways dude,flow was good an lyrics,for the concept were good too. the beat was kinda iffy to me but it got the job done an didnt sound boring. i wish i cud say more as i said to someone else recently about there audio,but i cant. just keep droppin man!

ive only been checking this board for a couple of weeks..

but this is the best drop ive heard..lyrics were sick, some real emotion there..production on point, sounds really proffesional, really well layed out track

I wanna give you everything I never had..
not that I wasn't given alot, but I got more to add

really liked this bar nice flip on the concept

like how you got deep on the second verse too..

not much more i can say man..enjoyed it

I feel you on this drop man, word up yo its real & I gotta daughter 2 so i could relate... Yo keep it up instead of rap you never know maybe you can do r&b lyrics 2 Like on sum T-Pain shit!!

- NoVeL

this was dope
the hook was filled with emotion
written well rode the beat
the verses were solid shyt
alotta thought put into all of this
the second verse prolly my fav
can't explain y jus seemed to stick out to me

I wanna give you everything I never had..
not that I wasn't given alot, but I got more to add.
I wanna get you a college fund..
that way you have some options when the time has come.
I want you to be whatever it is you want to be..
so long as you ain't makin the same mistakes that are hauntin me.
I've done what I done, to get where I got..
and even I have moments where I hate me alot.

^dope
last two bars especially
deep shyt man
keep'em comin

bro, that's fire.

kurse is such a sweet heart. smh

track is dope, obviously.
but this bar moved me.

Only darkness that a shadow can cast..
is the one that the sun makes when it's in front of your path.

well since everyone has given u pos. feed back
im gonna go against the grain here and give u the truth in my eyes

Overall man
this wasnt in ur top 10
not even close

i understand what u were saying
and yes it was clever
but lyrically it wasnt even there

u deff forced about 90 percent of ur lyrics

but like i said the story is good
but the lyrics just werent there
they fucked up ur flow
like u were in a rush or sumtin

here are ur major mistakes in my eyes

VERSE 1:
Hey JellyBean, How you doin there!?..
Come sit next to ya daddy for a minute ova here.
^^
the way u say here just doesnt cut it. def doesnt rhyyme even tho i saw u try to make it.

There's a couple of things I wanna tell you about..
^^
u take a pause.throwing off ur flow


My street cred's solid, thats a fact..
^didn like how u worded this

and though I'm not signed yet, I'ma keep workin on that.
^^
def. forced towards the end
not good.

VERSE 2:

You deserve to know ya grandpa..
it's just that I love you so much and I can't stop.
^^
dk what it is
but wasnt feeling this. grandpa, cant stop? dk wasnt feeling that rhyme

-HOOK REPEATS-

VERSE 3:

You're 7 years old presently..
impressively...like me intellectually.
^^
too many Syllables or sumting fucked up ur flow once again

again just my opinion

Dead Silence wrote:well since everyone has given u pos. feed back
im gonna go against the grain here and give u the truth in my eyes

Overall man
this wasnt in ur top 10
not even close

i understand what u were saying
and yes it was clever
but lyrically it wasnt even there

u deff forced about 90 percent of ur lyrics

but like i said the story is good
but the lyrics just werent there
they fucked up ur flow
like u were in a rush or sumtin

here are ur major mistakes in my eyes

VERSE 1:
Hey JellyBean, How you doin there!?..
Come sit next to ya daddy for a minute ova here.
^^
the way u say here just doesnt cut it. def doesnt rhyyme even tho i saw u try to make it.

There's a couple of things I wanna tell you about..
^^
u take a pause.throwing off ur flow


My street cred's solid, thats a fact..
^didn like how u worded this

and though I'm not signed yet, I'ma keep workin on that.
^^
def. forced towards the end
not good.

VERSE 2:

You deserve to know ya grandpa..
it's just that I love you so much and I can't stop.
^^
dk what it is
but wasnt feeling this. grandpa, cant stop? dk wasnt feeling that rhyme

-HOOK REPEATS-

VERSE 3:

You're 7 years old presently..
impressively...like me intellectually.
^^
too many Syllables or sumting fucked up ur flow once again

again just my opinion

TOP 10? No...I wouldn't put it in my Top 10 either, but yet again I've recorded close to 150 songs, so it's hard to say where it would land. But not belonging in the Top 10 songs I've done is the only thing I agree with you on.

Normally I let you share your opinion and don't respond. I believe everyone deserves to be heard and deserves to exercise their opinions.
But I'm going to respond to give you something to think about...
...think of it as future reference.

Coming from a young man (I'm speaking about you), who has struggled consistantly on riding a beat, who abuses the F'Word in his songs as a constant filler, who presents elementry school level vocabulary for 90% of his songs, lacks the common knowledge of mixing and has even added non-relevant things into his songs....
...it makes a person question the integrity or value of your opinion. It's kinda like William Hung trying to tell Brock Lesnar how to fight, or even Ashton Kutcher trying to tell Bernie Mac how to be black! In other words...if you aren't better at doing something than a certain individual, then how can you really contest what they're doing wrong!?

You heard me talk on Xbox, I pronounce certain words, certain ways. That's just my swag, my style, my pronunciation...whatever you wanna call it. But how I spit is the same way I talk for the most part. I never force rhymes. There are certain words that can be stretched into play and be made to work. In example, TI is like the king of doin that if you listen to his music.

If you don't feel it, or you don't like it. Cool. Just say it. You're not going to hurt my feelings with honesty. I respect your opinion and your honest demeanor...but don't tell me what "sounds off" or what doesn't sound right. I know there are things that sound simple or forced to you because you don't understand them or the meaning behind them. It doesn't make my content "lyrically basic" or "wrong" or even "off".

When you can spit a more complex bar than me, let alone just spit a bar on key for once....then tell me something. But until that...give me your thoughts as a listener, not as another artist, because right now as an artist...you haven't surpassed me.

No offense.

kurse kurse kurse

this is what i gather from that

ur saying
i shouldn't give my opinion as an artist because im not superior to you?!
i know im not
and im not saying i am

even though i dont have the skills to be respected as an artist
i have an hear for it
i know what i like
and i know what i dont like

just because i dont know how:
to ride a beat well
use a higher list of vocab
dont mix that well
and put up a decent enough track

doesnt mean i dont have an ear for music

i never once considered my self as an artist
more of a "producer" if thats what u want to call it
if im collabing with someone face to face who is lyrically better than me
im going to tell them what sounds right and what doesnt sound right to benefit them.
not me
but them
i give my 2 cents about what i want to hear an possible the other listeners
what i want to be jamming out too
and thats what i was simply doing.

i was giving my feedback as a listener
not as an artist
i think u were a lil upset at what i had to say
which if u were im not going to apologize for the truth
and by truth i mean by what i want to hear
as a LISTENER

so if u dont want me to give you feed back like i did as above
as what you would like to call an "artist"
fine i wont do it
but than that means i wont feed anything else of yours

because thats how i give it
if i was with you while u were recording that
i would tell you right than and there that it doesnt sound right

I'm not hurt over any of your opinions.

But if Michael Jordan's parents watched him play ball and said..
"Hey...you're really good!"
And his friends watch him play and they say...
"Damn you're good"
...his coach watches him play...
"Wow, you've got some skills kid."

...chances are he's good because that's what everyone else is seeing.

And then Dead Silence is watching Michael play on the courts and says...
"Damn Mike...you hold the ball all weird. You're not that good."

My point being...is how that when everyone else seems to see GREEN, you're the only one who see's PURPLE!? Are you indicating that everyone else who left me feed are being "too nice" or not "honest enough" with me!? I mean whats the deal!?!

I'm not saying I'm the best, but I am saying that if I do something more effectively than you can...shouldn't you be taking lessons from me instead of me from you? It's all backwards.

It's okay to like what you like, and dislike what you dislike...but don't say things are "wrong" when you didn't write them or record them. How do you know that the artist didn't intend for it to sound that way for a reason?
Like me...
...I like Bishop Lamont, but I hate Lil Wayne.
I think Wayne sucks the life out of real Hip-Hop.
But obviously he has a big enough fan base that says differently.
So obviously he's doing sumthin right, where I'm just not seeing it.

When you hear my music...it's a possibility that this is the same scenario for you. My shit just doesn't move you, where other people it does. It's a matter of taste, not lack of skill or "forced words"
Believe me...when it comes to my daughter...none of my words are ever forced. I write with what I feel.

i see what ur saying.

im not saying that it was making my ears bleed or nething

IM TELLING YOU WHAT I THINK!

and no i dont think everyone is being honest with you
for the simple reason
ur the head honcho with audio on illest
simple as that

listen
im not going to argue with you
because me and you arnt going to see eye to eye on this

all im saying is if i see purple than i see purple

im different.
and thats the way it was
and thats the way its always going to be

wow..

Kurse, if you wanted everyone to wank one out over your track..why didnt you just state that in the title so we could all do so accordingly, then we wouldnt have to mess with all this 'opinion' rubbish

your putting this track on here for feedback..

and someone giving you their honest opinion instead of just jumping on your dick is just about the most valuable thing youve got if your trying to make it

so grow up and accept some criticism..after all, you cant force consumers to like it..can you..you gonna force them to buy your records? go crazy at performances?!

Feed Is Feed,
But Kurses Song Was No Where Neaaaar Forced..
And It Was Pretty Good.. Could Of Been Cleaner While Executin A Few Things..
Other Then That, Substance Was Good..It's a Song With Meanin Instead Of Songs Like 'Throwin Shots Back' LoL.. Deff Still Growin As a Artist In My Opinion..
Keep DOin You..8/10

Niggaz takin shit too seriously on here. haha