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First Post-Enjoy
Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 1:27 pm
by Cosmic Dust
My heart stays weighted, mind meditated,
Thoughts I've created left my soul levitated,
But jaded...Faded,
Pumped with caffeine but heavily sedated,
Torn by emotion, mind and body completely separated,
Deflated..Unrelated,
Two entities never associated.
Aite hope y'all enjoyed-Hit me up with some feedback please. Peace. X
Posted: Fri Mar 20, 2009 8:45 pm
by ugly
Not long nuff, I feelin it too. Your consistantcy stood out in this piece but I feel let down cuz the concept was personal and I like them kinds of drops. But with a personal piece you gotta go deeper than this, like pull that shit out
overall: 3/10
Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 3:58 am
by B-Bear
should put this in the poem section .. more of a poem then a verse IMO
Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:35 am
by GrimBlaze
yeah i was feelin it too but its way too short...it would be a nice intro to some real emotional drop but i would need to see more before i could give you some real feedback..
keep droppin.
Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:31 am
by Haze
same dude was feeling it but needed to be longer, tell more of the story
Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 5:27 am
by The Gonz
Way too short. This is like a piece of scrap paper from a rhyme book. Rhyme scheme was mediocre, lacked complexity. I'm not a fan of the 'ated or 'ation rhyme schemes. I liked where you were heading, but you decided to cut it. Save what you have and add to it, could turn out pretty dope.