Hip Hop Forum

Just recorded this like 15 mins ago
its about my recent break up with this girl
shit has me twisted
and pretty much im sayin life can thru u some pretty fucked up shit
and this is one of em
and at the end im telling her that imjust gonna move on because i have to
i dont want to but i have too and whhen shegets her love for me back ill be here
enjoy


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its a fucked up world that we live in//
but these angles are forcing me to give in//
struggling against the power of my savior//
he forced me to give what i already gave her//
i can not live with my heart on my sleeve//
love was the only thing that could ever set me free//
and nothing is going to take that away//
because we will be together another day.

Love
Peace

Anger
War

im sittin back asking if i should really force it//
My peers yelling at me saying to just torch shit//
to burn down my city,and than try to re-up//
It seems like i always running out of luck//
i have emotions that strangle my neck//
it all kicks in with a reality check//
casket drops me into a differnt life//
im re born into the blade of this knife//

Love
Peace

Anger
War


im not trying to let you go like that//
because one day ur love will be back//
and untill than im stuck here waiting//
im still going to be right here debating//
between life and death,i dont wanna die//
so long,this is my good bye//
may we see clearer in a different life//
maybe than you will be wife//

Love
Peace

Anger
War

lyrics are deep real emotional, flow is aiight needs improvement...
beat is fiyah, sample is hott...
but i would chill, with the Love, Peace, War thing, good concept but the way you presented it and what not made you sound hippyish you know?
up your delivery also would make your tracks a lot better...

i think dis is hot, you can feel da pain behind da lyrics, n they are real good. i love da beat n da sample, i like what ya did wit da love peace anger war thing but if ya coulda spit it a lil diff, changed it up a lil bit i think it would make da whole track better. but i really liked it, n da end was tyte, n personal. 8/10

n im sorry fer watcha goin thru DS, keep ya head up.
~SolQet

^to let u know i take criticism just a heads up

but yeah thanks
i kinda think the lyrics are hard to understand.
likes really hafta think into em
but if u did that than thanks

yea my flow and swagger is weird from alot of others
i dk its weird

but thanks

^ta let chu kno i said to change da hook, i was jus constructive about it.

&& i actually undastood da lyrics jus fine. Thanx

Yea...
...when you're talkin about love, emotions and heartbreak...you need to speak to the basics.
Basics being your feelings in general.
"Love...Peace...Anger...War"
I can understand the use of those terms when in comparison to emotions that are felt in a relationship, but in a track like this I don't feel that's the right terminology, which in return causes the song itself to somewhat veer off from the message I'm sure you were trying to originally deliver.
"Love...Peace...Anger...War"
...sounds more like sumthin you'd hear in a political track.

Talk about what you were sayin at the end.
Talk about having her in your arms again.
Tell her that she's on your mind 24/7
Tell her you miss the sweet taste of her kiss.
Tell her that she's the type of addiction that you could live a lifetime with!

...Think romance sir. Don't use terminology like that in order to make a song sound deeper than it is. Basic words can describe length & stride of an emotional state when it comes to this concept.

Try...but don't try too hard otherwise you'll over-shoot your target.

thanks kurse

i was trying to explain my emotions in the love peace anger and war thing

at times i feel like me and her are going to get back together hencing love and peace

but there are other times i feel lik eim wasting my time an di fucking hate her guts for what shes putting me thru

like i dk what kinda mood imma wake up in ever and it sucks my feeligns can change just like that and thats what was meant by that lil thing

but i was also trying to be lyrical on this
gave it a shot

but i understand what ur saying bout being simple and basic

ill prob. try that within a day or so

Sometimes less is more.

Besides that. You're young...the feelings'll pass.

yeah thats what everyone tells me

but its one of those things that i cant forget

i mean i talk to the girl everyday we work together
we have class together

like it just makes it so much harder.

it was alright this, not bad for a demo track like

KGdaKid wrote:lyrics are deep real emotional, flow is aiight needs improvement...
beat is fiyah, sample is hott...
but i would chill, with the Love, Peace, War thing, good concept but the way you presented it and what not made you sound hippyish you know?
up your delivery also would make your tracks a lot better...

totally agree^. glad to see u still droppin tho dude. i liked the beat..i almost always like beats with those lil samples im like addicted to em haha anyways man..ur flow was ok in spots then it was like empty in parts..like there was emotion then it stopped..thats what i gather from listenin..but on'a good note ur riding beats alott better then u were before so props i think ur understandin more now which is great. keep it up kiddo keep droppin!