Hip Hop Forum

(feedback link)
http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/style-vt12574.html

(I wrote this to a chick a few years ago)

As I look in your eyes, the urge is revived//
To get me hooked in your mind, & put a surge in your spine//
Your body's the perfect design, with a surplus, divine//
Curves of your thighs, and breast, let your surface recline//
As I swerve up the line, of your cavern, so passionate//
My tongue lashing got you so wet that it's splashing shit//
Quickie dickies, Alanson just ain't having it, stabbing it//
Lustfully, luckily you fucking me is intimacy long lasting, it's//
The question I'm stressing as it's you that I'm visually undressing//
Physically caressing, sexual session, dirty fencing, my penis's the weapon//
That murks ya fire, I service desire, orgasm supplier//
Giving ya muscle spasms that tire you, I'll make you call me the sire//
Boo, Sensational explosion, controlling ya moaning as our bodies sync motions//
Out of control like we sipped potions of sex, emotions uncloaking, stroking//
Pulling you back onto me doing you, soothing too good to be true, you knew//
I wanted you and still do, grooving, new, we been slowing moving to//
Us, gradually, since day one automatically, it's clear actually//
Ever so present the passion be, dramatically, oh dear...//
I'm talking to you//

Cuttin P
Foreva

Uppin

Up up and away

thought this was pretty good man only thing i had problem with was tryin to flow it. i dunno maybe its just me but it seems like some bars had too many words in it if you know what i mean. some bars flowed nicely but others i lost the rythm cos of too many words.
your use of language was pretty cool tho and i see your potential.
keep em comin
1

Thanks mayne! I agree with the flow. I suppose this belongs in the poetry section