Hip Hop Forum

[align=center]Tick, Tock

Speaking through the voice of those who are voiceless
Words pointed at those in distress with hands placed on their face
Tired, corrupt, saddened, pointless and poignant
Amused by the wrong choices we make.. smiling at non existent rainbows
and artificial sunshine directed on the pavement
which harbors the souls of those who long lived and passed
away to a place where their pain is no longer felt or heard of

Tick, Tock

Flowers growing in the cracks that we refuse to believe are there
Any sense of happiness must be crushed and devoured
only touched every hour by the innocent hand of a child
But soon his mind is too taken over
misguided role models who lived a life with misguided role models
Who's mommas were out at work and who's daddy loved the bottle
who's brother hung out with the thugs and who's sister ran off with a boy
Cloudy Days and Sunlight Nights, confuse the ticking of the clock
with the ticking of an unsuppressed hiss from the gas
escaping from the tyre pressure deflating hopes and dreams
held at the instant that they learned to speak
Knowledge is a weapon of war, but instead books are replaced
by metal weapons of war
We all talk about it and speak out about society's ills
But while we yap about the cure people on the streets are killed

Tick Tock

you expect the clock to go

Tick Tock

But it doesnt move, it doesnt make a sound
All is still in time and space but we still whine and chase
those who are on the run
Who don't wanna get shot, who don't wanna be locked behind bars
and speak only when addressed by the

cold
steel
walls

Freeze.

Will there ever be an end to this madness that we're ravaged by?
Or are we all destined to face the music and groove to the 1,2 step
Catch the beat and follow the rhythm.
I for one will raise my hand and break the steps of the dance
Escape from this maniacal trance and for once take a chance
Will you do the same?
or will you constantly stop and look at your watch?
Do you still want to listen to this damn clock go

Tick and Tock ...[/align]

Hmmm Interesting Topic ..
It's something New When It Comes To Something Written By You..
Some Of The Poem Seemed Like Your Were Tryin To Come 'Overly Complex'
Causing People To Over Analize When There Might Of Been a More Apparent Meaning To The Poem. On The Other Hand I Liked The Stanza's You Used..

The Second Stanza Seemed To Be More Stretched Then The Rest,
but That's The Part Of The Poem That Held The Most Weight In Some Ways.

I Liked This Part . .



But it doesnt move, it doesnt make a sound
All is still in time and space but we still whine and chase
those who are on the run
Who don't wanna get shot, who don't wanna be locked behind bars
and speak only when addressed by the

cold
steel
walls

Freeze.

..

Real Cool.. Only Thing Is You Might Want To Take The 'Freeze' Out..
I See What Your Goin For , But Readin That Infront Of A Crowd It Would Come Out Awkward In My Opinion...

Other Then That , This Was Dope.. I Read It Earlier N I Wasnt Talkin About U Gettin Emotional,
Theres A Few Part's You Could Work On,
Try Not To Rhyme While Writin a Poem.. U Know Why?
Because All Thought's Might Not Get Down On Paper...
Inner Rhymes End Rhymes < Throw Readers Off When There Random Feel Me?...

Avoid Rhymin .. That's My Advice... Just So Things Dont Come Out Forced...
Think About It Like This... When You Write a Rap You Have So Many FRESH Concepts, But The Problem Is Sometimes U Dont Have The Right Set Up Or End Rhyme N You Can't Use The Concept The Way U Would Like... That's The Same With Poetry...

GOOD SHIT! Homie.. Holla

dont know too much about poetry..so it's hard for me to give you real feed dude..pretty coo to me...


i liked the concept..and it seemed like you got the point
across fairly clearly..so good drop...

Ayy haz good looks on the feed. Super appreciated my dude. On top of that, it was detailed feed too.
Thanks.

Thanks for the feed too tre tru and giving this a peep.

No Problem .. Just Keep Floatin