Hip Hop Forum

Feed>>>> http://www.illestlyrics.com/board/pheno ... tml#111011

look deep into my eyes en you can see this my life

its me and my dudes and we is ready to ride

try en take this from us u best be ready to die

you betta listen up once cuz i aint spitten this twice

shake'um up shakeum im splitten the dice

and thats exactly wat its like when im ditchen ya life

my crew be tha lives yall aint matchin our hype

try'en step up onto our our stage well push you down wit our mics

juss listen to tha kids you missen'um sing this

we be runnin this city so if u diss ya finished

put chu under trees keep ya team like christmas

we aint bound to play around we gitz down to buisness

dont sleep on me its keen to peep this misfit

quick to see u slippen get cha green and stripp it

my goons'll straight flipp it get pissed u trippen,

cuzz theres nothin u can do to unfix my visions

Alright so...I'm reading this and it just seems like the same typical mainstream b.s. - like what is the actual MESSAGE you're trying to convey here?

I think in a sense it's more acceptable to be a generic gangster rapper or whatever and get away with it because when I listen to it...I'm factoring in a lot of things. Is the flow good, is the swag right, hook catchy, lyrics...but when you do something like this in a text piece...you have NOTHING but lyrics to go off on you know? So I can't judge anything but your lyrical content which is empty

basically you're either saying you're gonna kill me, or your crew is better than mine...which might even be braggadocio if you're talking about rap...maybe you're saying you're a better rapper than me, hence why you say "push you down with our mics"

but if you're gonna tell me you're a better rapper than me, then prove it. Prove it with complex rhyme schemes and metaphors and witty punchlines.

for example, the christmas tree line was hot. It's the only thing that really stood out to me. If your whole verse was more like that, it'd be cool..but it just seems to me like you're not saying much

just my input

He Just Summed It up ^

to prove your a better rapper you'd need some better content too...

Well it's a 'Quick Lil Drop' So im Guessing u Were Just Rhyming For The Sake Of it. RAJE Remember What i Said About Constructive Criticism! Lol.

Ok if There's One Thing u NEVER Want To Do in a Verse, is Follow an Old, Tired Pattern. The Pattern Being:

im This,
im Gnna Do This,
This is Why im Great,
Fuck With Me ill Do This,
My Crew is This,
u Are This,
We Will Do This To u,
Etc.

Sure it Can Rhyme, But in a Literary Sense it is Sheer Babble. Writing Verses isn't Just About Making it Rhyme, But im Not Gnna List All The Things it COULD Be About, Because There's So Many Different Styles u Can Touch On. Now if u Do Audio it's All Good Just To Rhyme Over a Beat For Something People Can Get Fucked Up To And Dance To at a Party, But a Guy Banging a Drum Can Get The Same Reception. i Donno u So i Donno What ur Targets Are. But For Boredom's Sake ill Throw a Quick Example Out There.

Quotables, Be Sharp With What u Say. Lines That Stand Out And Make u Go 'Hmm' Or 'Woah' Etc. it Doesn't Need To Be a Metaphorical/Pun Style Of Punchline, it Can Be Something as Simple as 'ur So Ugly i Bet The Sweat Pours Down The Back Of ur Head Just To Avoid ur Face' (Not My Line, i Know). But These Self-Hype Drops, Minus Punchlines And One-Liners, Are Pretty Bland. ur Saying What ur Gnna Do, Just Not Adding The Spice as To HOW ur Gnna Do it.

i Could Sit Here And Type Up Examples Of How u Can Write And How Before u Can Even Consider Being a 'Lyricist' u Need To Have Literary Sense. ive Seen a Lot Of Textcees With Good Punches, Multis Etc, But Dumb as a Box Of Rocks as Far as Literature Goes. Experiment With Different Styles Of Course, And u Will Elevate a LOT Faster.

yooo this wasnt ment to show case me or anything, i was just bored out of my mind, but of all you are deff. correct, thanks so much for the feed, ill be shure to bring some dope shit even when im not really trien, word thankz