Hip Hop Forum

just messin around on this one...


If I'm givin a chance I'll jump with it
I aint chicken tell these chicken bitches listen they could get it
Cuz I'm vivid how I live it close to the edge I spit it
Not carin who I'm pissen off or pissen on now listen dawg
I get it right I get it wrong, I'm on a mission, hittin hard
Bitches raw, with rubbers on, I don't care tha dick is long
If u doubting this then just bring around ya lips
Cuz I love to give ya mouth a kiss pull down whats around ya hips
Thong n all touch ya clit, know u wanna fuck tha dick
Suck tha dick, love tha dick, even try to hug tha dick
Meanwhile I'm lovin it, sitten rubbin on her tits
I aint had enough of this, chris brown I'm runnin this
Like it was a track meet, spittin with a crack flow
Ask me? u cant blow cuz u's a snatch hole
I'm the type to blast folks, talking like them black folk
U whack tho, I'm whack-o, u something like a crack hoe

I'm Gunna Give You What Poet's Call a 'Constructive Critism Sandwich'.


I Like The Flow You Maintained, You Had Some Multi's Here And There
Seem Like Your Kind Of New To It , But In My Opinion You Got POTENTIAL!..


Something I Disliked .. Was... How You WEnt From The Topic Of Fuckin To Blastin People.. You Need To Maintain When You Spit.. Stay On One Topic..
It Makes The Piece Seem Alot Better Homie , Thats What I Didnt Like..


What I Liked , Was How You STrung The Begginin Together .. You Didnt Just Have Like 'End Rhyme , Time to Set Up a New Line..' You just Flowed It Together.. Basically Stringin Your Lines Beautifully.. In My Opinion Thats Your Strength..



Overall .. This Is Basic , But What I Can Say thats Positive Is You Have POTENTIAL.. It's Up To You How You Use That Potential .. Let's See ...


Keep Droppin Man , I'd Love To See You Grow .. Like I Tell Other Cats..

agree ^

but this would sound alot better if it had been an audio drop but on paper it cant supoorot its self to even walk lol

3/10

i wasnt feeling this atall it came to basic and

Thong n all touch ya clit, know u wanna fuck tha dick
Suck tha dick, love tha dick, even try to hug tha dick

rhyming dick with dick ????


how could you

2/10

You used the word dick five times in something that's got 16 lines.

Try again.

damn..yall need to relax..i said i was messin around with somethin..the only post here that was needed was hazards...he actually gave me feedback and TIPS

I thought this was "mildly" funny. It did have a freestyle like atmosphere to it. I like the idea of a crazy persona, but you need to polish your lyrics. Don't just rhyme "hug my dick, suck my dick, love my dick, fuck my dick, touch my dick" without being more complex. A really bad example, "I'm into disgusting shit, I touch the clit, but won't fuck the bitch unless she suck the dick, if she don't I'm going to get away with fuckin murder, when I fix her pipes like a construction worker". You need to throw in some punchlines, you need to keep a more complex rhyme scheme, and you can't rhyme the same word.